Charlie Sheen To Die Painful, Horrible Death Now That He’s Newly Single
TIGER BLOOD! That’s right, the meme-on-legs that is Charlie Sheen is of very little currency to us all now that he’s a crashing borebag. Months ago, when he was thrashing a knife around, punching furniture, tooting drugs and trying to have sex with everyone, he was fun (in a Watching Someone Nearly Die In A Formula One Crash Way).
Now, he’s tedious.
As such, those that enjoyed basking in his reflective fame have decided to call it quits and walk out on him. One by one, the ‘Goddesses’ walked out on Sheen, with Natalie Kenly being the last, moving out days ago. Of course, Sheen wasted no time in shouting “PLEASE CAN I HAVE MY MERCEDES BACK!” and promptly having sex with three ladies of loose values. And possibly loose something elses too.
Still, at least he’s still associated with Two and a Half Men, right? Maybe all this silly arguing can be forgotten so he can join the show again, humbled and ready to play ball.
No chance. That’s because the show is currently writing a particularly gruesome death scene for his character.
In the season premiere in September, it will be revealed that Charlie died. The theory at the moment is that his character will have driven off a cliff, which is funny seeing as one of his cars was found mysterious in a ravine. Nothing to do with Sheen of course. Nope.
At least he can cling to the disappointing reception to his Violent Torpedo of Truth tour while Ashton Kutcher enjoys the fame of being in America’s most bafflingly popular sitcom.
After a dinner date with his ex-wife Denise Richards and Capri Anderson (the ladies posed for a happy photo together – see left), Sheen was found naked in his New York Plaza Hotel suite. Capri Anderson was reportedly, also naked and locked in the closet, or the bathroom.