Andy Coulson ‘Jailed’ In Five-Star Holiday Camp Says News Of The World: Pregnant Brooks Gets Cushy Ride
IS Andy Coulson going to jail? Top media analysts (former NoTW hacks) say that Rupert Murdoch’s old editor and David Cameron’s former spin doctor has nothing to worry about. If there is one thing we have learnt from the News of The World it is that prisons are cushy places – like five-star hotels and holiday camps. He might even be able to get access to tabloid newspapers and carry on his vile empire.
Here’s what they say in The News of The (Prison) Screws:
Getting knocked-up means a soft cell for cons – Killers and drug dealers allowed to mingle with public *
Is Rebekah Brooks pregnant yet?
A FEMALE jail officer has been suspended after being accused of enjoying a no-holds-barred romp with a convict. The screw is under investigation amid claims that she sneaked away for a steamy clinch with the lag. Why are cons getting Viagra for home visits? WHAT HAPPENED TO PAYING FOR YOUR CRIMES? *
The NoTW’s Anna Smith has news to comfort Coulson, Brooks and Murdoch:
We already know the kind of cushy life that they have behind bars, with their satellite telly, computer games and a full programme of entertainment to make sure they’re kept amused.Prison has long since stopped being a form of punishment for the people who have wrecked the lives of their innocent victims. We’re sick of listening to woolly liberals chuntering on about how society has to understand why these people offend and reoffend; that it’s part of a bigger picture. It’s totally outrageous that we’re paying to make them feel good
From teenage toerags sent to secure units being taken on outward bound courses and to rock concerts, to lifers and paedos being entertained in jail, the whole system is geared towards making their life easier. The victims of crime don’t get a look-in. The innocent people who have lost their loved ones, been robbed or whose lives have been ruined by these criminals have no say when it comes to justice.
No wonder a quarter of prisoners who are tagged and freed on early release are back re-offending and go back inside…
Why wouldn’t they? What are they really missing by being inside? They have better food than most people struggling on the outside and they get their clothes washed and ironed. There’s plenty of drugs and, in some jails like private nick Addiewell, the prisoners seem to call all the shots.
But it’s thoroughly disgusting that prisoners are getting Viagra on prescription.
George Michael’s on a Hi
SHAMED singer George Michael was last night settling into a cushy new jail nicknamed Hi-de-Highpoint after the TV holiday camp. The star was secretly moved from London’s tough Pentonville to Category C Highpoint in Stradishall, Suffolk, on Friday night. He was given his own room, and spent yesterday playing pool and buying fruit snacks – privileges that usually have to be earned gradually. *
Sleazy politician gets an easy life behind bars *
Make pals In Jail!
Killer drink-driver shows no remorse – 35-year-old mum of one boasted about her cushy life in Corton Vale nick She wrote: “Feels like I’ve only been in here five minutes. I’m sad to be leaving as I made some good mates. It’s like a second family.” *
Check your heritage, Andy:
Scots justice system is utter bull – Cons claim that prisons have become holiday camps *
Nothing to worry about then, chaps. And the better bit is that in your give star holiday camp you can even closer to those anonymous sources of information at the police and prisone service…