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Arnold Schwarzenegger And Mildred Are Phone Chums (Potential For Dirty Phonecalls And Sexting Then?)

by | 11th, July 2011

CHEATING filthy secret baby-having Arnold Schwarzenegger has to admit that his marriage to Maria Shriver is over. Just like his potential. He’s peaked. His best films are behind him, he bafflingly got into a political position of power and he had a really cool wife… and he’s ballsed the lot up.

And so, wiping away his testosterone injected man-tears away while looking at his family photo-album, he’s faced with a bleak future of readymeals for one and Harry Nilsson’s ‘Without Her’ for company.

Of course, he has to make peace with himself. As he can’t say “I forgive you’ out loud to himself without it sounding threatening or hilarious, he has to go about making amends with the housekeeper he impregnated, which got him into this terrible pickle in the first place.

And so, the Terminator has been ringing up Mildred Patricia Baena and crying to her, while we all cry in unison “Have you seen this boy?” and “Hasta la vista, baby momma!”

Because Arnie has got so little left in his life of any value, he’s aiming to make it up to the world by being friends with relationship with their son Joseph, 13.

A source says:

“Both families are open to a meeting, it just hasn’t happened yet.”

“Arnold wants to spend time with Joseph and play more of an active role in his life. In a way, Arnold is relieved that he no longer has to hide the fact that he is Joseph’s father.”

There’s just the matter of a divorce to sort out first and Maria is more than aware that Arnie has $700 million to play with, which must be comforting in this time of great sadness and inevitable vengeful feeling.

Everyone wins here, right? Well, apart from Arnold’s kids that he had with Maria who must be wretchedly miserable in the pit of their collective stomach. Oh well, daddy can always throw money at them like most famous people do.

Image: A visitor looks at an art work entitled “Arnold Schwarzenegger” created by Shu Yong on display at the Art Beijing 2011 contemporary art fair in Beijing Saturday, April 30, 2011.

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Posted: 11th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink