Hugh Hefner Says He’s Not Dead – World Still Not Entirely Convinced
However, people are still uncertain and are inundating the heart-broken old coot with requests to poke him with a stick just to see if there’s any movement.
The boob-mogul was stunned to learn that, on Monday, everyone thought he was a goner. Of course, he did what any celebrity would do and went on Twitter to clear it all up. Of course, anyone can write a tweet via his account if they have his password. More to the point, his crumbling, aged fingers probably aren’t up to pressing keys or navigating a smartphone touchscreen, so chances are, one of his floozies probably does it for him.
This could be a brilliant ruse. You could smother him with a silk pillow and keep tweeting “I’m alive and well!” and no-one will actually care enough to verify.
Anyway, Hef says:
“The rumors of my death are, as Mark Twain observed in a similar situation, greatly exaggerated. I’m very much alive & kicking.
“I’m lying in bed next to (girlfriend) Shera with a big smile on my face, reading tweets about my unexpected demise.”
Rubbish fiancee, Crystal Harris, who ran away from their relationship just days before Hef’s wedding day, is probably the one we should all suspect of killing him, should our completely unfounded rumour prove to be true.