Victoria Beckham Spends £3000 On Stretch Mark Cream – Still Of No Fixed Talent
WHEN Victoria Beckham had her bouncing bundle of inevitable disappointment, the world sighed and was glad that she’d finally had a baby girl, so we could all officially stop caring. The last bit of fun we were to have was with her and her husband David’s decision to call her Harper Seven, which sounds like the seventh sequel to a cheap ’70s sci-fi show.
However, pregnancy and Victoria Beckham don’t mix. She certainly didn’t want to actually push the baby from out of her lady front bum, preferring to have it hacked out with shears or whatever it is they do in the hospitals these days.
But at least she got that lovely glow of pregnancy that all women enjoy at some point, right?
Wrong.
It’s rumoured that The Artist Formerly Known As Posh Spice did nothing but stare at her extended stomach and grow increasingly weary, prompting her to fork out on over £3,000’s worth of stretch mark cream.
This was to ensure that her weirdly insectoid frame stayed just as it was.
And what is this cream? Apparently, it’s called Rodial Stretch MX Cream which costs £59 per bottle. £3000′s worth means she was probably bathing in the stuff, submerging herself under it all with a little diamond encrusted snorkel peeping from beneath.
Now, where do we buy cream to clear up those wretched cesarean scars…
July 20th, 2011 at 11:49 am
he may well have used Anusol on his tattoos – it’s very good for the healing process
July 20th, 2011 at 11:22 am
Wow! I can’t believe she spent that much money on stretch mark creams. If I have that much money, I would just resort to laser surgery.
July 17th, 2011 at 1:33 pm
…is he advertising Anusol too…
July 17th, 2011 at 1:10 pm
It is June and you can tell he’s so proud.
July 17th, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Its lovely, isn’t it?
July 17th, 2011 at 12:17 pm
There’s a lovely photo on David’s Facebook page today
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150233225746571&set=a.146755971570.121766.84218631570&type=1&theater
July 16th, 2011 at 11:49 am
…& make that a large one for the Stig…..
July 16th, 2011 at 11:07 am
The article is rather amusing. The writers intent is that we all share their deprecatory view of Mrs Beckham, but funnily enough, the only person I ended up feeling was an arse was the writer. Percy has a point, perhaps the writer should bathe in and ingest large quantities of anusol, it might reduce their arseness.
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I’m fine with taking the piss out of celebrities who behave atrociously, but I’m with C&C, The Beckham’s seem to be a nice family and as such should be praised not ridiculed. Many members of the Royal family could learn a thing or two from them.
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July 16th, 2011 at 12:13 am
….as I said earlier….save your money girls…. & buy Anusol instead….
July 16th, 2011 at 12:11 am
…& if I were big & clever……I might come to the conclusion that this silly story about VB paying out shit loads for posh potions is stretching the truth more than a bit and is really a cover up for the real reason she will appear skinny & stretch mark free almost immediately after pregnancy….i.e. a plastic surgery has cut away enough femme flaps off VB’s belly to make a nice set of suitcases & stretched her spotty skin so tightly over her skeletal frame that she looks like shes going to snap……of course her people will deny it…..and say its all down to diet, workouts & posh potions….but that does’nt explain Vicky’s tremendous pair of tits…….and it does’nt sell shit loads of stories about stretch mark cream & such either….does it C&C?…..clever girl indeed…
July 15th, 2011 at 9:18 pm
…as are piles for that matter…
July 15th, 2011 at 9:18 pm
BTW, its not Anorak, its MOF
July 15th, 2011 at 9:14 pm
…I know C&C….Victoria Beckhans stretch marks is serious stuff….as are her bunions….
July 15th, 2011 at 9:04 pm
No-one’s taking any notice of you Percy. It’s not big and it’s not clever…..
July 15th, 2011 at 9:01 pm
June….maybe your friend can tell me if it’s true…
July 15th, 2011 at 8:57 pm
I also heard that pile cream can do same to stretch marks as posh creams can …but cheaper…..is that also correct, Anorak?
July 15th, 2011 at 8:17 pm
C&C
a friend of mine has had 2 live births, both c-sections, 2 miscarriages and she’s also had a nasty growth on her cervix and an ectopic pregnancy there, in the end they had to stitch it shut to enable the pregnancies to continue and you’d be amazed how many people call her Posh……we don’t know V B’s history, but we do know gossip can be cruel
July 15th, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Yes Karen and June, agree absolutely. I think they are a nice family and that has nothing to do with money.
PS those who keep on about ‘too posh to push’ and ‘taking the easy option’, (usually men and Mumsnet and Anorak) a caesarian is in no way an easy option. Done it… don’t believe all you read!
July 15th, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Exactly!
She doesn’t do drugs, her children seem happy and well behaved, and don’t most women try to prevent stretch marks?
Of all or most of the Wags/celebs she does seem to be a good role model
July 15th, 2011 at 6:58 pm
I have heard this posh stretch mark cream is made from pig semen….can Anokrak confirm if this is correct ?
July 15th, 2011 at 6:48 pm
And what would you say if she stopped looking after herself and didn’t buy any more cosmetics and creams? It’s her money and she can spend it how she likes as far as I’m concerned.
At least you don’t see her staggering around half naked looking like a slapper.