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Anorak | Celebrity Big Brother Review: Day 1, Where Everything Felt The Same

Celebrity Big Brother Review: Day 1, Where Everything Felt The Same

by | 19th, August 2011

SOME things had changed in the skewed landscape of (Celebrity) Big Brother. First off, there was no Davina. It was also on a different channel, getting shunted sideways from Channel 4 to Five. And other things had changed too like… er… well… nothing.

See, BB came back with Marcus Bentley providing his usual ebullient Geordie narrative, along with that theme tune, that house, that braying crowd of placard holding dimwits and that sneaking suspicion that this show, while briefly exciting in return, has probably had it’s day.

In previous years, Big Brother has always fared well on the opening night. We can all muster up enough interest to see which poor, beleaguered sod wants to put themselves through the wringer, tuning in to hurl obscenities at them or, more appropriately, shriek WHO ARE YOU?! NO SERIOUSLY! WHO? YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A WIKIPEDIA PAGE! YOU PLEB!

Last night was no different. Apart from Davina being replaced by Brian Dowling, everything felt exactly the same. It was like popping on a pair of comfortable old underpants and revelling in how nicely they fit, before realising that there’s a big hole in the arse and there’s a bad sensation of crusty skidders.

And while Brian Dowling performed admirably (seriously he looked like he’d been doing this for years. His stint on the pickpocketing The Mint has clearly served him well), he was always going to be treading water when faced with those desperate enough to enter the BB house.

Some of these people came as no surprise. Jedward entered along with Kerry Katona and Amy Childs from The Only Way Is Essex. They were always going in weren’t they; posterboys for those with fame, but still no discernible talent or personality. The are things to merely occupy a space and very little else. Tara Reid (from American Pie) also joined, looking more spaced out than one of Tim Leary’s Merry Pranksters, all dead-eyed, hollowed out brains and vacant gob.

They were also joined by some serious no-marks. Included, for our viewing pleasure, was The Wife Of The Speaker At The House Of Commons; A Street Fighting Gypsy Who Can Barely Form Basic Sounds, Let Alone

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Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink