Sinead O’Connor Is Looking For Filthy Anal Yam Sex With A Hairy Man
POP star Sinead O’Connor is talking to the Irish Independent. The charismatic singer is, reportedly, looking for sex and snuggles – maybe not in that order:
The man who runs my site will protectively suggest I may want to visit the bathroom for a few intimate moments and a subsequent cold shower before deciding to post this on the site but I will of course ignore him as it’s too late now and the her-moans are having the best of me.
And then it gets interesting:
I recently read of a woman in America who married and regularly humps her truck. I don’t yet own a truck but I’m beginning to understand her head space. And am worried I too may be so desperate for sex that within days I might run up the road and hump Bray Cabs’ whole fleet of cars in one hour. Forty quid clear-up afterward. Can’t say fairer than that. Except maybe a photo for their website. Which’d be fine.
My situation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good, as are inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables. I tell you, yams are looking like the winners. I actually do knowa woman who is a performance artist from America. I have a photo of her being escorted arm-in-arm by two UK policemen on to a plane back home cuz she humped a yam in the middle of her show. I just know that’s going to happen to me if I don’t take drastic action.
Needless to say what I do for a living makes it hard for me to find men that only want me cuz they like my (legendary) arse. Yet I am in the peak of my sexual prime and way too lovely to be living like a nun, and it’s VERY depressing.
She advertises for a man. He must be single and:
no younger than 44
living in Ireland
not be named Brian or Nigel.
blind enough to think I’m gorgeous.
employed… vehicle clampers need not apply.
Leather trouser-wearing gardai, fire-men, rugby players, farmers and Robert Downey Jnr will be given special consideration…
no hair gel.
no hair dryer use
no hair dye.
Stubble is a non-negotiable must
like his mother.
live in own place.
Countless rumours have it that opera singers are recommended to have sex half an hour before each show. So by even applying you are part of my artistic advancement.
Interested parties can apply at (for real): email@example.com
On a site called Sinead OConnor.com, we learn more:
August 24, 2011:
Search called off for now. Suitable man found. Hands down winner. No competition.. Thank you again to the sunday indo.. That position has been filled by an extremely sweet, kind, very respectful, considerate but absolutely FILTHY minded, un-inhibited RUDE sex maniac named John. and no.. I don’t mean John Waters.
Sadly the chosen winner of the quest for man has revealed pregnant girlfriend. Therefore the campaign is resumed for anyone who is interested in applying… U may do so at @ firstname.lastname@example.org
Must have sweet heart and filthy mind.
I’ve been repeatedly asked will I ‘do anal sex’. Let me make it very clear.. Any man I contemplate has to be into anal sex.. It was a family paper so they wudnt have printed it but let me now take time to make VERY clear that yes I ‘do anal’ and in fact I would be deeply unhappy if ‘doing anal’ wasn’t on the menu, amongst everything else$$ So if u don’t like ‘the difficult brown’.. Don’t apply… I’ve had reasonable complaints from lesbians that they have been excluded. This was terribly remiss of me and I would now like to make it clear that women will also be very much considered. As will Brians and Nigels.. Since there were complaints there too.
Ok sooooo….. Luckily an actual single freaky yummy man with a very bad set of behaviours thank God, has voiced himself. Have sent questionaire.. Having seen foto.. DROP FUCKING DEAD GORGEOUS!! And.. Rude, rude, FILTHY rude, rude, rude, RUDE!!!! Question one.. “Are you an actual nice man as well as being a mindblowingly filthy freak? have asked he prove he would keep me safe by not revealing to any1 anything that may occur between us… Have asked we meet in crowded places for few weeks til he’s proved to me that he won’t exploit me or hurt me by breaking the trust I would be placing with him if I was to play his delicious games… So.. Oh my GOD!! Total hot sex and gorgeous BASTARD! So.. We’ll have to see if he’s ‘a good egg’. Prayers will be appreciated…
So, a girl I know said start a blog. Dunno how so will write on site.. Hopefully for the amusement of us all.
Thought would be fun to have little ‘so far’ re candidates for lurve.
Lots of very sweet men. Will definitely write back to all though it will take me a good few days!
Scarily, some were young enough to be my children.. Christ All-fucking-mighty. Guys.. seek help.
One TOTALLY hot sex bastard who made be bang into a huge pillar while walking through Copenhagen airport on way home from Estonia with descriptions of all the delicious things he wuz gonna do to me.. Sort of know him ish.. So safety wise it was perfect But.. Sadly then he said he’s married…. Still… He did say I would have fantastic masturbatory material for years, and he’s absolute-fuckin-lutely right. Sigh.
So.. Next in consideration is a man who said he had spent time on Sunday morning looking up yams on the Internet. Now THAT is a caring man. A highly amusing e mail. Nicely eccentric. Will check him out for sure. He seemed like a kind and gentle soul.
Have had best e mails from cool women.. Saying they in exactly the same shit-uation and advising me where I can mail order vibrators. Funnily, the majority of them were Irish journalists.
Anyway vibrators don’t smell good an feel all stubbly on yer face like guys do.
Lots of men and women saying thank God they aren’t the only ones with the desperate horn.
If the entertainer’s job is to entertain, Sinenad is on form. But is it her..? We say yes. Sinead has been a loud voice against the established Catholic church in Ireland and its dealings with the Vatican, especially in light of child abuse cases. Her calls for sex ticks boxes that the Catholics will hate. And what with her being an ordained priest and all, the tales of ‘up the bum – no harm done’ sex will surely amuse and upset the intended targets…