Joan Rivers Needs To Move In With Victoria Beckham
This coughs up the potential for comedy. And a reality TV show called Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? But it’s not real because Joan lives with Melissa only four days of the week when the cameras are rolling. When they shut off Joan flies back to New York. We learn this in a Hello! photoshoot, in which Joan looks like a life-size Franklin Mint Doll.
But Joan plays the party line. She says she moved in when she realised that at her college reunion people were dancing with urns. Joan is no china urn – but she does have a porcerline complexion: smooth, brittle and flawless.
Melissa looks much the same, albebt in a darker buscuity coating. Also, Melissa is more LA: she says that the show is “organic“.
Melissa tells us that after she gave birth to Cooper:
“In fact three weeks after he was born I had to do a photoshoot then finish the TV special I was making on being pregnant.”
Joan says she went into labour performing at a nightclub.
You can see jhow the show could take off: Joan’s New York talent and quick wits versus Melissa’s ‘reality” wrapped in the vapid weltschmerz of LA.
But the show that should have been made was Joan Rivers living with Victoria Beckham, that epitome of shallowness. This suggestion gives us the oppotiny to revisit Joan’s words on Her Poshness:
“Victoria Beckham is so nasty. Why doesn’t she just go home?! Her dresses are beautiful, but I don’t care what she does. She’s mean to all the people around her. She’s too short to be a diva. We all use the same hairdressers, make-up artists, limo-drivers and greeters at the airports in LA and nobody has anything nice to say about her. They say she’s rude. She can’t always just be having a bad day. Victoria Beckham should get a life. I am not a fan of outrageous consumption. I think it is vulgar. And no-one should flaunt that they have a hundred Hermes bags. Not when people are starving. Everyone should be allowed to have a great time but she shows a distinct lack of class. I dislike Victoria Beckham. The entitlement – the total entitlement. You want to say, ‘Calm down, you were a Spice Girl.’ The arrogance when she walks into a room is astonishing.”
Someone needs to make this show happen. Tell Sticky Vicky she can sing the theme tune and wear all her clothes inside out- she’ll go for it…