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12 Crazy facts about Kim Jong il

by | 19th, December 2011

KIM Jong il has died. North Korea mourns. And we wonder what the man was really like. Here are 12 crazy facts about Kim Jong il:

Kim Jong il was a superhero

North Korean legend has it that Kim Jong Il was born in a secret place by North Korea’s most sacred mountain, Mt. Paekdu (aka Baekdu mountain). At the moment of his birth, a double rainbow appeared and a new bright star shone in the heavens. Either that or he was born in Siberia in 1941 when his father, Kim Il-sung, leader of a “patriot and revolutionary family” was in exile in the former Soviet Union in 1942.

Kim Jong il can control the weather

According to the book by Chol-hwan Kang and Pierre Rigoulot (2005). The Aquariums of Pyongyang: Ten Years in the North Korean Gulag, Kim control the weather. (see rainbow and star) Basic Books. ISBN 0-465-01104-7

Kim legalised drugs and gave them out for free

Kim was once addicted to painkillers. Sot hat he would not enjoy the experience alone, he allowed (surely ordered? – ed) his staff to inject themselves with painkillers so they too would experience the joy of addiction.

Kim Jong il was shortist

Kim Jong il issued pamphlets advertising growth drugs. Small people would take the bait and be whisked away to live in splendid isolation on previously “uninhabited islands”. Critics say Kim Jong il was trying to kill off the shorties. But others go with the theory that Kim understood their pain and wanted the shorts to live without being looked down on by tallies – literally.

Kim Jong il understood disability

In readiness for the World Festival of Youth and Students in 1989, Kim deported disabled people from Pyongyang. Once more, Kim understood suffering. He knew that watching the able bodied running and jumping would be unbearable for the disabled. so he sent them to live in splendid isolation. And all was normal.

Kim Jong il loved Hennessy

Kim Jong Il was Hennessy customer No.1. Dr. Jerold Post said Kim  invested $600,000 to $850,000 annually on the amber nectar. . He is partial to the Paradis cognac, which can sell for over $700 per bottle. In comparison, the average North Korean makes about $1000 per year.

Kim Jong il created the world’s best run city

Kijong-Dong is a wonderful place on the border with South Korea. There is no poverty. No crime. No traffic jams. No blackouts. No residents. But there is a 300lb North Korean flag, visible from much of South Korea.

Kim Jong il ran a waterpark

Images of Kim Jong-Il’s mansions reveals a supreme slide of freedom. Everyone gets a go. It’s Communism, people.  just need to wait until Kim has finished.

Kim Jong il loved train travel

Was Ki Jong il afraid of flying – or was he just afraid of flying in North Korean planes? In any case he loved to move about in armoured trains. And the North Koreans were happy as larry to push and pull him along (see pedestrian motorways of North Korea).

Kim Jong il was the world’s best golfer

It was 1994  when Kim Jong Il shot an impressive 38 under par, including 11 holes in one. It was golf. Hey, it was crazy golf. Happily, while envious foreign media ignore Tiger Kim, local media were there to record the action as fact

Kim Jong il loved the movies

So keen was Kim to make a Godzilla movie that he kidnapped South Korean director Shin Sang-ok and his wife Choi Eun Hee and encouraged them to make Pulgasari. Shjooting took Shin on location to Austria, from where they escaped.

Kim Jong il loved The Omen

Did Kim kill his younger brother Kim Shu-ra? Did Kim casue Kim to drown in the family’s swimming pool when he was five?

Kim Jon il invented the sandwich

North Korean newspaper Minju Joson heralded Kim’s invention of the Kimwich – a delicious invention of “double bread with meat”. Any meat would do. Rat. Dog. Mum…

 



Posted: 19th, December 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink