That Herman The German Friendship Cake Recipe (with added Holocaust)
LORD Kenneth Baker, the former Tory Education Seceretary, tells the Daily Telegraph that the Holocaust should not be taught in British schools because it creates an unfair vision of our German cousins:
“I would ban the study of Nazism from the history curriculum totally…It doesn’t really make us favourably disposed to Germany for a start, present-day Germany.”
A few days on and the Times leads with news of the Herman the German Friendship Cake”
“ACHTUNG! This invading German cake could take over your life”
Some way to go yet, Ken.
The Times’s Helen Rumbelow writes:
This is a national security announcement. If someone turns up at your door bearing a ‘friendship cake’, be very afraid… People of Britain, this is a national security announcement: beware the cake. The cake has gone viral. It has, in the jargon of military experts, “weaponised”, oozing into the homes of thousands of our citizens, attacking the nicest ones first. There are currently outbreaks reported almost everywhere, from Hertfordshire to Glasgow. We should be on Herman the German Friendship Cake high alert.
Do not approach it before you listen to my story. It is a cautionary tale. I reveal how a persistent German parasite has managed to turn communities in on themselves, converting their noblest intentions from good to bad. I can now clear the playground at the local school simply by turning up with a dirty yoghurt pot.
Fur yoo zittle Inglander zer war isst nevver oover.
Here’s how to make a Nazi cake:
How Make Your Own Herman the German Friendship Cake Starter
1 pkg active dry yeast
¼ cup lukewarm water
1 cup plain flour
1 cup sugar
1 cup warm milk
1. In a small bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water for about 10 minutes. Stir well.
2. Add flour and sugar. Mix thoroughly or the flour will get lumpy when you add the milk.
3. Slowly stir in warm milk. Loosely cover the mixture with a lid or plastic wrap. The mixture will get bubbly. Consider this Day 1 of the cycle, or the day you receive the starter.
For the next 10 days, handle starter according to the instructions for Herman The German Friendship Cake.
German Friendship Cake: Introducing Herman
Hello. My name is Herman, I’m a sourdough cake, I’m supposed to be on the worktop for ten days without the lid on.
You cannot put me in the fridge or I will die!
If I stop bubbling I am dead.
Day 1 Put Herman in a large bowl capable of holding 2 litres. Stir him and loosely cover with clingfilm.
Day 2 Stir well.
Day 3 Stir well.
Day 4 Herman is hungry! Add the following ingredients, stir well and cover again:
110g plain flour, 220g sugar, 250ml milk.
Day 5 Stir well.
Day 6 Stir well.
Day 7 Stir well.
Day 8 Stir well.
Day 9 Herman is hungry again. Add the same ingredients as Day 4. Divide into four equal portions and give three away to friends, along with a copy of these instructions. Keep one of these portions if you want to make a new cake.
Herman No 4 stays with you and is ready to be baked the next day.
Day 10 Herman is very hungry indeed! Stir well and add the following ingredients:
220g sugar, 220g plain flour, 2 eggs, 2 heaped tsp cinnamon, 2 heaped tsp baking powder, ½ teaspoon salt, 175ml oil (sunflower or olive), 2 cooking apples, peeled, cored and cut into chunks, 140g raisins/sultanas (optional), 70g walnuts (optional).
Mix all the ingredients into Herman and put into a large greased roasting dish. Sprinkle with brown sugar and dot with 50g of butter.
Bake at 180C/gas mark 4. Check after 35 minutes — he may need 45 minutes.