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Anorak | Another crap story about Jon Venables

Another crap story about Jon Venables

by | 11th, January 2012

JAMES Bulger stories are popular with readers. Sun editor Dominic Mohan tells the Leveson Inquiry that the biggest-selling story of the past 18 months was about the killer of James Bulger – and by definition that of his two killer: Jon Venables and Robert Thompson.

Mindful of that, we turn to the Daily Star’s story:

JON VENABLES KEELS OVER…WITH CONSTIPATION

Tom Savage is in the toilet cubicle:

FATTY Jon Venables scoffed so much festive grub he needed emergency treatment for constipation.

What is emergency treatment for constipation at Christmas? a barrage of crackers pulled at once. Kaboom!

The child killer was found writhing in agony by prison staff.

Panicked warders summoned emergency medics fearing the 18st murderer of James Bulger was having a heart attack.

But after doctors examined the portly pervert – back inside for kiddie porn offences – they found the only thing he was dying for was the toilet.

Or not. Don’t you die for the toilet when you need to go? But let’s not get bogged down in the fine details of Jon Venables’ intestines. The Star is making serious news about a child killer who killed when a child:

And after he was treated with laxatives, a plumber was called to unblock his cell loo.

Boom! Boom!

And insider then tells us that few people have laughed at the thing behind Venables’ back. And:

Venables wolfed down a five-course Christmas dinner, a cheesecake, two boxes of Heroes chocolates, a super-size bag of Maltesers, Toffee Crisp bars and bags of crisps.

And for the main course?

The paper ends:

The Daily Star Sunday cannot reveal the top-security jail where Venables is being held, or the new name he is held under, for legal reasons.

Top security? The one that tells the papers when a prisoner goes to the lav? How’s that for a crap story..?



Posted: 11th, January 2012 | In: Reviews Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink