Anorak | Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp split: Irritatingly cryptic

Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp split: Irritatingly cryptic

by | 24th, January 2012

THE split between Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis has been something of a shock. No-one saw it coming. Most had forgotten they were married in the first place, thanks largely to the pair not being massive fame-slags like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and their three-thousand imported children.

Alas, the rumour-mill is certain they have gone their separate ways, presumably so Depp can go full-time and appear in every single Tim Burton film with Helena Bonham Carter until the end of time.

Until then, we’ve got some cryptic horsefeed to deal with. And Vanessa Paradis has stopped humming Joe Le Taxi long enough to say something so jarringly cod-clever that you might puke into your hand.

Asked whether her 15 year relationship with Depp was at an end, Ms Paradis told Europe 1 radio station:

“You know, when I eat three peas, I’m pregnant. When I visit a city, I’m buying a house.”

Brilliant. Want more?

“In the winter I separate, in the summer I marry. It’s been 15 years since I’ve been getting married every year. In addition I have to answer all these rumours!”

Frankly, they deserve each other. Let us hope they stay together so no-one else has to suffer such 6th form poetic nonsense.


Posted: 24th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities Comments (3) | TrackBack | Permalink