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Anorak | John Carter is not as good as Avatar – it’s so terrible you might die watching it

John Carter is not as good as Avatar – it’s so terrible you might die watching it

by | 12th, March 2012

IS John Carter the film any good? Peter Bradshaw reviews in the the Guardian:

John Carter is one of those films that is so stultifying, so oppressive and so mysteriously and interminably long that I felt as if someone had dragged me into the kitchen of my local Greggs, and was baking my head into the centre of a colossal cube of white bread. As the film went on, the loaf around my skull grew to the size of a basketball, and then a coffee table, and then an Audi. The boring and badly acted sci-fi mashup continued inexorably, and the bready blandness pressed into my nostrils, eardrums, eye sockets and mouth. I wanted to cry for help, but in bread no one can hear you scream. Finally, I clawed the doughy, gooey, tasteless mass desperately away from my mouth and screeched: “Jesus, I’m watching a pointless film about a 1860s American civil war action hero on Mars, which the inhabitants apparently call Barsoom. I can’t breathe.”

Or as the Sun [prop. Rupert Murdoch] puts it:

It remains to be seen whether it will strike a chord with audiences the way Avatar [produced by Rupert Murdoch]did but, for what it’s worth, this is an enjoyable if a little old-fashioned adventure.

Not quite as good as Avatar. Sheesh! It really is crap…



Posted: 12th, March 2012 | In: Film Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink