Brad Pitt & Angelina to get married and move their 30,000 children into British schools
AFTER spending their whole relationship sneering about marriage, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going to get hitched. They obviously love each other so much that, now, the only thing left to do which will show each other how achingly in love they are, is to get the government involved.
How romantic. And it isn’t like celebrity marriages are fraught, tense affairs that explode in an ugly, messy, public fashion are they? Fingers crossed.
Of course, being Different From Other Celebrities (trademark, Johnny Depp), the pair won’t be getting married in America because it sucks and has absolutely no culture. And so, they’re going to go and tie the knot in France this summer, doing their best to focus on wine and castles, rather than the seething racism that made France what it is today.
Then, after that, they’ll be moving to England, focusing on castles and countryside, rather than noticing the seething racism that made the British empire so bloodily successful in the past. Hurray for Europe! Sunny France is obviously a lovely place to get hitched, but England? With all that rain and terrible dentistry? It appears that Brangelina will be moving here for a couple of years because they want to put their 30,000 (last count) adopted children into British schools.
It is fair to assume these children won’t be going to a comprehensive in Luton or an academy in Moss Side.
The wedding they’re planning will, apparently, be a lavish ceremony in the village of Correns, in the south of France, where they’ll exchange vows in a pre-Roman chapel.
“They have been quietly preparing for one of the most glamorous show-business weddings of all time for months,” a friend of the couple said. “I’ve seen their chateau, and it is one of the most romantic settings imaginable.” Sarcastic locals have reportedly called the upcoming ceremony “Le Mariage de Monsieur et Madame Smith” which, if you’re really dim and need it pointing out to you, is a riff on their terrible movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
This wedding won’t stop the AFFAIR! accusations which constantly float around this couple though, which is nice.