Simon Cowell: War, Vanya Seager and Mezhgan Hussainy’s other man
DAY Five of the Sun’s serialisation of the book Sweet Revenge: The Intimate Life of Simon Cowell by Tom Bower. As ever the Sun leads and the Daily Star and Daily Mirror follow with their own front-page mash-ups.
First to the Sun, which say on its front page: “COWELL’S £100M WAR WITH ITV.”
The Sun spots the cut above Cowell’s left eye. You might not. What is more obvious is Cowell’s unshaven face, grey highlights and short stack of chins. The inference is clear: “The ‘unauthorised‘ biography I helped the writer with but ‘in a sense’ never approved is not all true. Look. My hair is un-dyed. My face is not smeared in purified baby panda vomit. The only prick near me is that one that’s caused me a wound to my eye. Yes. I am hurt.”
He’s in control, isn’t he, the leader? He’s omnipotent? Or he might just be a randy middle-aged man with a desk and buzzer?
Right now Cowell is the star of a reality tabloid show. He’s an anti-Dorian Grey, regressing into the real Simon with each sensational revelation. Before long Cowell will be living out of carrier bags and watching telly with a wife while three childen bicker.
Right now we learn that Cowell thinks he is the saviour of ITV (he is) and blames them for hurting his shows – Britain’s Got Talent and The X Factor – by surrounding them with dross. It’s not the format that’s wrong, says “unofficial” Tom Bower. It’s not that the cynical manipulation of viewers is trying. It’s not that the end result is so forgettable (Matt Cardle, anyone? Little Mix?). It’s ITV.
The other revelations / allegations are:
SHOCK! Cowell only got engaged to silent Mezhgan Hussainy because he feared her marrying another man. Who is? Well, we’re not told.
WOT?! Cowell once created a Faebook alter ego called Derek Bates – password: hairyballs69.
STUN! Cowell once romanced Page 3 silent stunna Vanya Seager, who once worked as Cowell’s “PA”. Vanya had been “secretly” seeing Robson Green, whom she married (now divorced).
So. To the Daily Star’s story that Cowell is to dish the dirt on ITV, or “TELL ALL”, as the headline goes.
One option for him is to do another TV interview with Piers Morgan, 47, as the two are great pals. However, sources said nothing had yet been decided.
Piers Morgan..? The star of, erm, ITV and a former judge on Cowell’s ITV shows?
As the PR machine rolls on the Mirror tells its readers
He plans to sack Sharon Osbourne from America’s Got Talent because he feels betrayed after she launched a blistering attack on him, his womanising and his jibes at fellow TV show judges. Sources close to Cowell say he “now knows who his real friends are” after a week of hell and will axe Sharon following her outburst against him.
And thus having name-checked another of Cowell’s shows, and reminded us that the Pixie-voiced Osbourne is still dishing out her brand of spite and bitchiness the magic box, the PR machine rolls on.
Factor or fiction? Who cares? It’s all just showbiz sold as news…?