Kristen Stewart finally confirms Robert Pattinson as boyfriend, not that anyone cares anymore
DESPITE being the single most boring couple in the entirety of absolutely everything, the world has taken a peculiar interest in Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart and whether or not they’re sharing bodily fluids. Of course, they’re not because even basic bodily functions are too bored by this pair to function properly.
Yet, somehow, like two shadows fading in the twilight (see what we did there?), they’ve given in and decided to let the world know that they’re actually courting, as your nana used to say. After years of being pointlessly coy, K.Stew has ‘fessed up.
During an interview, walking around a bookshop, she sees a copy of the Guy de Maupassant novel Bel Ami and yells:
“Oh my God, my fucking boyfriend just did this movie! The French, they’re up in arms that he did it.”
Every ten year old girl on Earth knows that R.Pattz is the headline draw in the upcoming big-screen adaptation of Bel Ami. He takes his top off a lot in it and everyone should be very, very excited by that. Unless, of course, you don’t have a penchant for humans so tedious that even basic infections can’t be bothered with him.