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Anorak | Man squirts brown sauce at 50 Shades of Grey lover’s face

Man squirts brown sauce at 50 Shades of Grey lover’s face

by | 12th, July 2012

TO Carlisle Magistrates’ Court, where Raymond Hodgson, 31, is accused of squirting brown sauce at the face of his lover, one Emma McCormick. Hodgson was upset that McCormick is was reading the paperback porn 50 Shades of Grey.

Prosecutor Adrienne Harris explains:

“Mr Hodgson thought that the book was pornographic, and that she should not read such literature. The argument continued into the following day, with the two exchanging text messages.

“He went to her home at 7pm on June 26 and took with him a bottle of brown sauce. She answered the door and the argument continued. She went to close the door and he jammed his foot into the door, slapped her once in the face, and then squirted her with this bottle of sauce.

“He said he had every intention of squirting sauce over Miss McCormick, but he now regrets having done this, realising how stupid it sounds. He didn’t realise that the sauce incident would be classed as an assault.”

As any Clit Lit fan knows, brown sauce in the eyes is only acceptable if recipient and squirter have negotiated a pre-arranged code word or phrase. This might be “meaty baps”, “bacon sandwich” or “sausages”. It soudl nto be “full English”. As any enthusiast knows that is an order only for the most perverted.

Mr Hodgson pleads guilty to a charge of common assault.

You degenerates might lick your lips and reach for the mustard…

 



Posted: 12th, July 2012 | In: Strange But True Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink