Macaulay Culkin, $6,000 of smack per month and a long thin face
ONCE the adorable little urchin who, somehow, kept being left at home without the intervention of Social Services, Macaulay Culkin was a gigantic banker in ’90s Hollywood. Like all good child-stars, his career went down the pan after he stopped being as cutesy as he once was.
So what’s he up to now? Well, the last we heard of him, he was getting dumped by Mila Kunis (yes, unfathomably, they were dating). But now, he’s apparently doing $6,000 worth of heroin. A month. A MONTH! That’s an admirable amount of smack, it has to be said.
These rumours have surfaced, we presume, from simply looking a photographs of his long, gaunt frame and time-ravaged face. He’s a walking, talking Scream.
However, Culkin’s reps have denied that he’s throwing money down his bloodstream, with a spokesperson saying refuting that Macaulay uses both heroin and the painkiller oxycodone, and that he totally hasn’t turned his Manhattan apartment into a ‘drug den’.
“The report [said] that Macaulay Culkin is addicted to heroin and assorted hallucinogenics is not only categorically without merit, but it is also impossibly and ridiculously fictitious.”
If you want to know what’s really killing him, it is the small fact that his ex girlfriend is now willingly having sex with Ashton Kutcher, which is just about the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone, ever.