Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong rushed to hospital! He’s going to die! Probably!
GREEN DAY are one of those mystifyingly popular bands that have conquered the world with three chords. Basically, they’re Status Quo with safety pins. However, you can now add ‘mystery illness’ to their charms as Billie Joe Armstrong was rushed to hospital, forcing Green Day to cancel shows.
Armstrong’s bandmates Mike Dirnt and Tre Cool (terrible names) released a video statement to offer their apologies to fans, saying, “We apologize profusely. Billy got rushed to the hospital last night due to illness. The doctors don’t think it’s a good idea for him to play today. We’re beyond devastated.We’re as sad as you guys are. Billie’s extremely upset about it, and we’ll see you very soon”.
‘We’re as sad as you guys are.’ Classic.
Of course, ‘mystery illness’ is either ‘something of nothing’ or ‘absolutely going to die’ and we’re focusing on the latter, updating our pre-written obituaries so we don’t have much work to do when the news breaks of Armstrong’s inevitable and grisly death.
This will be bad news for Christina Aguilera, bizarrely, as she’s signed up the ‘credible rock star’ to find America’s next big singing talent on The Voice.
We’re sure there’ll be a further statement to fans when he comes around. A little joke there for Green Day fans.