Did Jimmy Savile turn Kerry Katona to necrophilia?
KERRY Katona says he will know that she’s dead when Gina D’Acampo, Fern Britton, Coleen Nolan and Ant ‘n’ Dec, turn up at her funeral. We’d advise her to approach Iceland with a Cryogenics range of frozen celebs, possibly on sticks. Kerry is talking about death because it’s Haloween. OK! wants to know if she has ever “had a poltergeist”. Well, there are no kids to offer proof of a dalliance but she did have experiences:
“At my house in Warrington, the light used to blow constantly, and I’d be lying in bed and the TV would suddenly come on. I went to see a psychic and he told me it was my dear friend letting me know she was there.”
Either that or else it was bad electrics and leaving the telly on standby and the remote control some place where it can be accidentally trodden on.
She then says when she does die she’d like to return as Brad Pitt or Colin Farrell, which might be uncomfortable for Brad Pitt and Colin Farrell, but should secure Kerry a career as a look like.
There follows encouraging news for Jaggers and Johns. Having said that she’d rather be drowned than burnt at the stake (makes notes), when asked whose funeral she’d like to attend, Kerry offers:
“Rod Stewart’s because everyone would be there – Elton John, Mick Jagger…”
Finally, and with nod back to the time she survived an encounter with necrophiliac fixer Jimmy Savile, OK! asks Kerry: “Which dead star would you like to have a fling with?”
Kerry: “Elvis Presley or James Dean. I’d sing All Shook Up with Elvis.”
And then jump on his bones…