Donald Trump’s kids investigate Obama’s parentage in Africa: turns out they’re bastards
YOU might think a man with tsunami on his head would be sensitive to natural disasters. But Donald Trump is not like the rest of us. Trump is all about bits of paper. Bits of paper makes things true to Donald. He most likely has bits of paper that say “Your Hair Is Real”, “Scotland Loves You” and “You Da Man” pinned up around his house, each piece of proof printed on embossed paper and bearing the hallmarks of esteemed institutions, such as The Harvard School of Hair.
Most recently, Trump has been looking for a piece of paper that proves Barack Obama’s passport application form. If Obama shows it, Trump will donate $5m to a charity of Obama’s choosing. If he doesn’t, Trump will keep his money. Obama – shock of shock – never took up the offer.
He might have been, you know, busy. What with the Presidential election and Superstorm Sandy, the President of the USA might not have seen Trump’s tweets. Still, in every disaster, an opportunity for the Trumspter, who tweeted:
Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump - Not one Trump building, even those along the Hudson River, lost power — a testament to quality systems and construction.
And, as the storm rages, Trump tweeted:
Because of the hurricane, I am extending my 5 million dollar offer for President Obama’s favorite charity until 12PM on Thursday.
Obama wrestled with the problem. Should he do his job and visit the sites of devastation? Should he go into the attic and scramble through his old shoe boxes for documents that might have gotten lost? Maybe the Don would realise that flashing his money about as peoples lives are lost and ruined made him look a c***, and he should just hand the cash over himself?
Trump settles on a course of inaction. He then blames Obama:
Donald Trump said Thursday was a “very, very sad day” after President Barack Obama did not meet his noon deadline to release his college and passport application records in exchange for $5 million to a charity of the president’s choosing.
“All the president had to do is give simple documentation, simple paper, a few pages and a charity would have gotten $5 million, or substantially more,” Trump said in a video posted on his Facebook page. “Whether it was Wounded Warriors, whether it was the American Cancer Society, whether it was even the relatives of the victims of Beghazi, which I think would be an appropriate situation, the president decided that he wouldn’t be doing it.”
Touch luck, cancer dudes. Still, your loss is the Trump family’s gain. They’re off to Africa. No, not in search of Obama’s roots. They’re off to the Heart of Darkness to trace their own parentage. And – get his – it turns out that they’re complete and utter bastards…