Kate Middleton Pregnancy Watch: Catherine Ostler is in the know
This will be the most scrutinised, most photographed, most copied pregnancy the world has ever seen.
So says Ostler, who has column to fill in the Daily Mail.
In this celebrity-obsessed, internet age, it is certain that every decision mother-to-be Kate makes until her baby’s birth will prove to be a trend-setting one — analysed and imitated across the globe.
And in the Mail.
…the figure of the naturally svelte Kate will for some months be considerably slimmer than the average woman’s, so she won’t have to wear maternity clothes for a good while.
That and the hyperemesis gravidarum should help keep the weight off.
When she does want to adapt her wardrobe, she can conveniently turn to Sarah Burton of Alexander McQueen — her wedding dress designer who is due to have a baby in February. If anyone can make fashionable coats and dresses with a tactfully high waistline, it is her.
Or there’s always Simon Cowell’s tailor.
Ostler then bombards us with guesswork.
But more thorny issues will eventually arise — for no one’s decisions are more contentious than a pregnant mother’s. Natural birth (probably) or Caesarean? Home (highly unlikely) or hospital?
Will Kate have the bay in a filed (?), a helicopter (??) or a while tied to a radiator drinking Terry Waite’s urine (???).
The royal nursery at Apartment 1A, Kensington Palace, is probably being refurbished at this moment — overseen by Kate.
Among the apartment’s 20 rooms, which once saw late-night louche parties hosted by Princess Margaret, there is plenty of room for live-in maternity nurses and nannies.
She won’t have to move in with the in-laws.
These might play a less central role than they once did in royal circles, as hands-on parenting will be Kate’s goal, but they will still be on call.
Invisible nannies it is, then.
They will perhaps be vetted by the upmarket firm Kensington Nannies, which charges a finder’s fee of £2,500, but ideally will come with word-of-mouth recommendations.
William and Kate could talk to soon-to-be near neighbours Hugh and Rose van Cutsem….
…Or they could consult the Duchess of Cornwall’s children…
Then there is the question of a Christian name, and several middle names, for the future monarch. If it’s a girl, will Diana be in there somewhere? Or Carole?
The couple will probably choose five or six from three groups…
What about baby clothes, Cath?
So what will catch Kate’s eye as she flicks through the catalogues?
Dunno. But Ostler then name checks a few pricey brands.
What about school?
If it’s a boy will Kate send her baby to William’s old school Wetherby Prep School Notting Hill, London?
Well, he did ok on that education…
Both are familiar paparazzi territory: the school runs have featured Elle Macpherson, Elizabeth Hurley and Claudia Schiffer.
Men taking photos of kids. The Mail is so there.