Bad Toys – the 10 most plain wrong ones ever

BAD Toys (Part One)

The Toy Retailers Association’s shortlist for the 2012 Toy of the Year has brought forth the usual reminiscing about 1965’s Corgi Aston Martin, (complete with ejector seat) and the 1980-81 back-to-back champion Rubik’s Cube.

But what of the toys that came nowhere near the shortlist, let alone the title? What of the toys that were so lame, so stupid, or so plain wrong that it’s a wonder they ever got past the drawing board? Here we salute these abject objects, starting with the inappropriate, the disturbing, and the downright weird.

If you are very small, you might enjoy this Elmo Knows Your Name doll, which says your name. But be careful when you change the batteries…

And if you scare easily, it might be worth avoiding Mr Tickle…

Sexism is rife in the world of toys, but for blatant gender stereotyping, Lego isn’t an obvious candidate. It is, after all, a wonderful toy that allows you to give free rein to your imagination. Unless you are a girl, that is, in which case Lego none-too-subtly suggests you build a beauty salon.

But don’t get carried away with your beauty salon dreams, girls. Make sure you set aside plenty of time to do the housework with the help of this glamorous Cleaning Trolley. And no cheating by getting your little brother to help – as the packaging points out, this is for GIRLS ONLY.

When you’ve finished cleaning you might want to relax with a hobby – say, pole dancing. This outfit is no longer available in Tesco, who withdrew it after public outrage…

…But relax, you might still be able to find this in-no-way peculiar doll.

One day you will grow up and have a baby. But before you do, you can breastfeed a doll using a special halter top with “milk” patches on the chest…

…and you can learn to change a nappy with the help of this peculiar doll, displayed here in one of the strangest and most disconcerting ads ever made…

… Oh, and remember shave your baby – not forgetting those hairy ankles…

Dolls used to be criticised for lack of racial diversity, but thankfully all that has changed. Take, for example, this lovely black baby, with its banana and, er, monkey.

Most kids seem to think that money grows on trees. Luckily, there’s a huge range of toy ATMs available, to teach them that it actually comes from a magical machine. This pretty pink number is our favourite.

If you don’t have a baby, and your pole dancing career doesn’t work out, and you never get the capital together to build that beauty parlour, then you might want to think about working at McDonald’s. This fun game will give you the ideal start.

Good luck kids, whatever you decide to do with your life. And remember this: it may be a strange and scary world out there, but it’s not half as strange and scary as your local toy shop.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, December 2012 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink