German army to defeat the enemy with man-boobs
Apparently, thanks to a new, hard-going rifle drill, the German army has started growing breasts, which could be just the thing to win battles against confused foes.
Soldiers from the Wachbataillon are experiencing a strange side effect as a result of slapping their rifles too hard on their chests during rifle drills.
It has been reported that over 75% of the squad have developed moobs, the result of a condition known as one-sided gynecomastia, which basically, gives you boobs thanks to stimulated growth in the soldiers’ glands. Das ist gut, ja?
“There is a very significant link between the activity in the guard battalion and the development of the breast on the left side,” Professor Bjorn Krapohl told the German Herald with an absolutely straight face. “They need to change the way they drill. The constant slamming of the rifles against the left hand side of the chest is clearly a significant factor.”
An army spokesman said “affected soldiers are being medically supervised and treated individually”. That sounds like a euphemism for something lonely German army doctors are doing to these poor buggers in the showers.
Next Week: British Army wear large bras for helmets and claim to have had the idea first