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Automated Guardian comment generator

by | 13th, February 2013

EVER read the comments pages at the Guardian? Tom Forth does. And he’s here to help with his automated Guardian comment generator. The gap between fact and parody is very small. If you doubt it, read our Ed’s From the Message Boards in Private Eye magazine.

Cue the minted Marxists, champagne socialists, liberal bigots and knowing hipsters:

With my youngest at violin lessons twice a week and the oldest getting really into her aquarels at the moment, do I really have time to get involved in the local community? If we all paid more regular visits to our local Turkish tea shops we might better understand why Armenia is such a complicated issue. That’s just one more reason why we must stop multinationals from buying up British companies! – Multicultural and proud!

Over last night’s simple dinner of Moules Marinieres my life-partner and I caught up on some thoughts we’ve been sharing recently. At a time of global recession why are we still having to fight for trans rights? It’s all Thatcher’s fault – Penelope Asquithille, Wilmslow, Cheshire.

It occured to me recently after an entire afternoon at the Southwell vintner, had we tasted anything that could match the Malbecs we had on our most recent trip to Chile? Judging children’s abilities by standardised exams denies them their unique individuality and the expression of their culturally distinct identities. That’s what we learned from Toussaint L’Ouverture.

After a late night pilates session me and my chums were discussing things. I’m so glad we ended our 4 week holiday through Central Asia with an afternoon of volunteering at a Mongolian orphanage – it really made us feel we were giving something back at this time of global crisis. Volunteering and community have been killed by Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ –  Gwyn Trig-Hampsteath

These hikes will only transform the academic landscape into ‘a disparative space’, if there is such a term, with only the rich and the poor being able to attend a University institution. It is thus the penalising of the middle class and a condemning of the middle/working class youth by the condem government. There is a condemnation of the youth, which reflects the British landscape; since we are currently in Britain a CONservative liberal DEMocrats NATION. I’m sure the ‘condem’ (Conversative-Lib Dem joke has already been coined elsewhere, if not I shall take some credit). -jnsteele

After a late night pilates session me and my chums were discussing things. I would rather vote for the BNP than let my three year old eat anything sold in Asda! And that’s why prison is the best place to show the vulnerable that we care – Left-leaning

My holiday home in Provence is hardly a luxury! I mean, I’m not saying that I have never fallen foul of watching Big Brother, but come on, we’ve got to have some standards. Free Gaza now!

I was talking to friends at the local fair-trade delicatessen and we’re agreed. I mean, I’m not saying that I have never fallen foul of watching Big Brother, but come on, we’ve got to have some standards. It’s time for the working class to fight back! – Michael Pentonville-Saatchi

With my youngest at violin lessons twice a week and the oldest getting really into her aquarels at the moment, do I really have time to get involved in the local community? The whole concept of maternity leave is an affront to gender equality – let’s put an end to this patriarchal system of repression and stigmatisation! Cameron and his cronies simply have no idea of the struggles faced by ordinary British families like us.-  Penelope Asquithille

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Posted: 13th, February 2013 | In: News Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink