Edinburgh pandas to put on live roly-poly sex show
THE pandas are getting ready for sex at Edinburgh Zoo. Tian Tian, the female, has been calling to her mate Yang Guang, the male. Well , so say the experts. The Times reports:
Yang Guang has been vigorously scent-marking, perform handstands…known as a display of virility in the wild.
The lights are dimmed:
Lighting levels inside both panda enclosures have been adjusted to simulate natural light levels, rising and falling at dawn and dusk.
Nominative determinism is being employed:
“Although both giant pandas are showing these changes in their behaviour, it is still early days yet and way too early to give any accurate prediction on timings,” Iain Valentine, director of Giant Pandas and Strategic Innovations for the Royal Zoological Society of Scotland, said.
The bears’ pens are famously connected by a “love tunnel”. With the right kebabs and alcopops, Yang and Tian (so good they named her twice) will mate in the panda-equivalent of a Bolton udnerpass. All be watched on webcam, for educationl purposes.
Last year, Grant Thomson, a zoo staff member, told us:
“The keepers were using bamboo to lift her tail up and show him where to go.”
You can watch the action on Panda Fuxxxx.com (£2.99 a minute). This year, there are rumours of celebrity appearances from EastEnders‘ Phil Mitchell and former Liverpool FC striker Stan Collymore.
PS: Last year The Times told us:
Instead of mating, the pandas have spent their time together wrestling, and doing roly-polys and handstands.
Curse those mixed messages.