Women’s nipples are banned in North Carolina: State criminalises breast-feeding
EVERYONE knows that the worst thing that could ever, ever happen to a human being, is to catch sight of a nipple that belongs to a woman. People who have been unfortunate enough to catch a glimpse of a lady-teat have been known to violently vomit while becoming simultaneously aroused, often resulting in a grotesque ‘sex-somersault’.
Women, you see, are inherently evil and that all stems from Eve giving Adam an apple after making friends with a talking snake (this is why no-one likes snakes too).
And so, North Carolina have some state representatives who are doing the right thing by making sure no-one ever sees a tit again in their lives, by proposing a new law to prohibit public exposure of women’s nipples. It’s about time someone made those perverted, putrid breast-feeders accountable for everyone else’s weird ideas about nipples. Breast-feeding in public is being criminalised.
House Bill 34 seeks to “clarify” state law by making it a Class H felony to expose “the nipple, or any portion of the areola, of the human female breast”.
Republican representative Rayne Brown co-sponsored the bill, explaining that “there are communities across this state, there’s local governments across this state, and also local law enforcement for whom this issue is really not a laughing matter”.
And it isn’t a laughing matter. While women are getting in everyone’s faces with their breasts (some of them being vile enough to wear clothing that enables good citizens to be able to locate the area of the boob itself), men are finding themselves utterly blameless in their obsession with the teat.
Brown said the annual topless protest for women’s equality that took place in Asheville in 2012 is partly responsible for her proposal and that this proposed law aims to clear up any confusion about what we all think of a bit of a woman’s body that we all once fed on.
If the law comes to be, ladies and their devilish, tempting bangers could get six months in prison, depending on the intent of the exposure. North Carolina House Judiciary Subcommittee C Democrat member Annie Mobley said she worries the law could penalise women for wearing “questionable fashions”.
Meanwhile, men continue to have glorious, magnificent, life-affirming nipples which are encouraged to socialise at the first hint of nice weather.