How did dinosaurs have sex? With great difficulty
SOME refer to sex as ‘the beast with two backs’ and, if you think about dinosaurs humping, then the saying is quite literal. With horrible spines and spikes, getting off with a dinosaur seems nigh-on impossible, but they had to mate for fear of dying out.
So how did they do it? Barry White, chocolates and enough lube to drown a caveman?
Well, a dinosaur expert reckons he has finally worked out how the ghastly lizards had sex. Brian Switek, whose book My Beloved Brontosaurus is out in May, told the Times: “The females could not raise their tails because the bones at the top end were fused.”
“And some species had lethal spikes on their backs that would have been impossible to get past.”
So sex doesn’t sound difficult, but rather, an activity that is more akin to dicing with death! Still, for the smutty and weird amongst you, you can enjoy a peep show of computerised recreations at Berlin’s Museum of Natural History.
What will you see? Male dinosaurs facing castration if they mounted from behind.
“These prickly dinosaurs must have had sex another way,” said the museum’s Heinrich Mallison. “Perhaps the female lay down on her side and the male reared up to rest his torso over her. Other species would have used different positions, like backing up to each other.”
Sounds reasonable… unless you’re Professor John Long of South Australia’s Flinders University.
“A 33ft-long ankylosaurus, with spikes and armour, would have had a 6ft 6in penis to bridge the gap when close to a female”
Professor Switek thinks this spat about dinosex will go on forever, adding: “Soft tissues are seldom preserved during fossilisation, so we have never found a fossilised phallus, but doing so would solve many mysteries.”
Sounds a bit mucky minded. Still, if you search the internet well enough, you’ll probably end up seeing that disturbing bongo film that features people dressed up at Pterodactyls. All the mind bleach in the world won’t get rid of that image should you stumble across it.