Pet owners are dreadful… and here’s the proof
PET-OWNERS online are, without doubt, worse than fascists. Endless photographs are taken of their pets doing very little, accompanied by captions like “Oh LOOK! He’s TOTES ADORBS!” while a dog lies motionless on the floor. Or indeed, people take a dozen photos of a cat, sleepily glaring at its owner who insists on shooting it from absolutely every angle before flooding Instagram with their absolutely typical pet.
The petfood commercials where people treat their pets like lovers were once disregarded as ridiculous, but thanks to social networking, we now know that these monsters actually exist, coochie cooing at these blasted creatures every move.
And a poll reveals that pet-owners are far more awful than first suspected.
Findings show that too many people prefer to hug their animals rather than a close relative when they’re feeling low. Of course, this attitude has rightly seen gasping tits ostracised, desolate and lonely in their humanless world padding around the kitchen, dribbling at their pets saying ‘they don’t understand me like you do, Snukums.’
One in five of those polled said they’d cancelled social plans to be with their pet. But will your pet be able to ring an ambulance when you’re dying alone? Worse is the findings that 10% of people have taken their pet to events such as christenings or weddings.
Around 7% of owners have cancelled a date and 4% have called in sick to work because of their stupid, stupid pets.
It goes without saying that a quarter of UK pet owners said that their pet was more like a child to them than a pet, while 15% idiotically hooted that they have confided their problems with a dumb animal that can’t understand English or care what you do beyond letting them eat or shit.
There were no results for people who shamefully masturbate while their dog is in the room and no figures for people who have amorous feelings for their cats.
Next week: Humans dance and have promiscuous sex while ignoring their cat-pampering friends forever.