Kate Middleton: The most hateful Royal baby souvenirs
DUCHESS Catherine Windsor, nee Kate Middleton, is expecting a baby. The excitement outside the maternity wards at London’s St Mary’s hospital is at fever pitch. They are there to stare. But not only stare. Some subjects have prepared gifts. Let’s take a look at them:
With the big Royal Event of the year hotly anticipated, we love these delightful designs by David Luff. They offer a very affectionate celebration of the new Royal Baby.
Caitlin Moran speaks for many:
This kid isn’t even born yet and they’re making merchandise for it: McLaggan Smith Mugs is selling a cup that says “Yummy Ma’am” on it. CW isn’t much one for hating inanimate objects, but it would conservatively brand that cup “the most hateful thing on Earth”.
The Royal Baby Range from Milly Green
To commemorate the impending arrival of the Royal Baby, Milly Green has designed a quintessentially British range of fine bone china items and gift stationery; the perfect gifts to celebrate our new prince or princess.
Designer Milly Green, meanwhile, has launched a range of fine bone china items for children — including a plate decorated with Kate and William’s dog, Lupo, a crown-wearing corgi and a pram bearing the initials “HRH”.
“I added their dog Lupo, which I hope will make them laugh. They are a fun couple,” Green said.
As a keen student of human emotion, CW suspects that this plate might not actually “make” Kate and William “laugh”. It suspects that a complete stranger painting their pet dog on to a plate to commemorate the birth of their baby and then selling it for £9.99 won’t make them “laugh” at all. It will make them want to climb in a cupboard, quietly whispering: “That’s just weird. Why are you doing this? We don’t know you. Please go away.”
A map of St Mary’s Hospital in Praed Street, London
The Press Association have issued this map of the hospital. Freak, Royal geeks, stalkers, snappers, nutters, kidnappers and anyone and everyone can study the map and plan their route to instance notoriety.
But you’re not my mummy
People using the map above should get one of these.
Because men stood on ladders by the maternity ward is totally acceptable behaviour.
The baby’s the one in Kate’s toddler arms
For those of you not able to kidnap the actual child, you can buy a doll, much like this one of the young Wills:
Or if it’s twins
Keep Your hands busy
More to follow. Lets us know what you see, please…