Girl-hating gamer boys: Quit thinking with the Smaller of Your Two Heads
ACCORDING to 1980s pop culture stereotypes, anyone who likes computers is compensating for being a socially clueless nerd who cannot get laid. Kudos to pop culture for evolving beyond that, but why the hell are today’s gamer boys trying so hard to revive old stereotypes?
For over a week now, male gamers have been freaking out over news that a woman— 19-year Microsoft veteran Julie Larson-Green — has been named the new head of the Xbox division. Not that the company is any feminist utopia (or dystopia, depending on your preference); it’s the same Xbox which, just last month, got called out by Anita Sarkeesian for introducing its new line of games and “revealing to us exactly zero games featuring a female protagonist for the next generation”.
Sarkeesian’s tweeted one-liner inspired an outpouring of cool logical male responses, including “Were you expecting a cooking and cleaning game?”, “Calm your tits … you women are nuts” and “damn this bitch makes my dick soft”.
Of course, when you think with your dick, you become one. Which explains the similarity between the guys last month who let themselves get hysterical after someone mentioned Xbox game gender statistics, and the guys this month hyperventilating because Xbox hired a Julie rather than a Julian.
Shortly after Microsoft announced Larson-Green’s promotion, games blogger and self-described “general tech nerd” Lauren Wainwright braved the VideoGamer.com forums long enough to grab a screenshot of some responses. “Now their [sic] will be apps dedicated to baking and knitting [….] I really want the Xbox one but your [sic] making it so hard for me to make the leap!” one horrified gentleman gasped, while a less loquacious commenter observed “A woman? lol.”
Cooking and cleaning, baking and knitting—if the multiverse theory of physics is correct, there exists somewhere an alternate reality exactly like ours, with only one difference: in our universe, 45 percent of gamers are women while the He-Man Woman-Hater’s Club dominates gamer culture, whereas in their universe, it’s 45 percent gamer men in a hateful anti-male culture that sneers “Dick owners are dicks” and “If you have nuts, you are nuts.” And when alt-Microsoft put a man in charge of its Ybox division, the misandrist gamers eloquently argued against it: “Now they’re [sic] will be apps for yard work and face-hair maintenance.” “Are you expecting empty-the-rubbish-bin games?” “A man? Lol.”
There might, perhaps, be an undigested corn-kernel of truth buried somewhere in all the gamers’ misogynistic crap, provided you’re one of those who believe “The human brain is located in the penis, which is why you can’t be intelligent without one.” Even so, if you think gamer women are only good for housework and harassment, the problem isn’t “your brain is in your balls” so much as “your head is up your ass”…