Remote TV: Watching Psychic Today Ride Your Crystal Animal At A Bargain £1.53 Per Minute
REMOTE TV: Cristina Martin Looks at Psychic Today.
DURING a recent expedition to the higher end of the Sky Channels – there is sometimes so little on that you can easily end up in the 800s before you know it – I stumbled across a channel called Psychic Today.
It stands proudly alongside other such quality offerings as Chat Box, an interactive service where creepy people text in naked photos of themselves and leave tragic gravelly voicemails for other users asking to hook up, and the Pub Channel which I am not allowed to watch because it is ‘for members of the pub trade only’. So there.
But back to Psychic Today. A channel which spends 50% of its time trying to be all spiritual and the other 50% having to read out in a ‘terms and conditions’ tone of voice that they cannot answer questions about health, pregnancy, legal or financial matters. Before snapping back into zen psychic mode and saying “but we can help you with any other matter, like love and…loads of stuff”.
So they mainly cover love.
Or more to the point they field questions from desperate middle aged women who want to know if so and so is going to phone them back.
The answer is always whatever they want to hear, watered down with vague caveats for when it doesn’t happen, topped off by ‘love and light’
There are a wide range of psychics standing by to take your call – a bargain at £1.53 per minute – and they range from the very mystical looking Gentle Rain…
The very mystical sounding Merlin (He must be psychic right? He’s called Merlin!)
And the very psychic sounding Psychic Stevie (protesting too much)
To the very befuddled looking Kevo.
And the very ordinary looking Paul who really should be off driving a taxi somewhere.
My personal favourite is Daz Sampson. He who represented the UK at Eurovision in 2006 and is now magic.
I especially like that he is still using his promo shot from the song ‘Teenage Life’ which scored 25 points and came 19th out of 24. Begs the question, if he’s so psychic, why did he bother turning up?
Psychic Today don’t just do phone and text readings (including a mystic service for ‘busy people’ – because so many busy people watch psychic cable channels) Their remit also runs to divining the future via the medium of psychic art, which can tell you that there are lots of childish doodles in your future.
If you don’t have the time or inclination to tune in you can always follow them on Twitter, for valuable update such as this:
Definitely hippo. Definitely.