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Notes On Trudie Styler’s Removal To New York

by | 22nd, October 2013

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TRUDIE  Styler, the jet-set eco-warrior and Mrs Sting, is planning to up her occasional use of aviation fuel” and leave the UK for good. She has told the Times’s Helena de Bertodano from her home in New York:

“I don’t want to criticise my country but there are times I feel that Sting and myself have been treated unkindly [by the British press]…  feel much more relaxed here, not having to second guess myself.

“Sting and I need to think what our relationship is to England in the long term or whether we will make a permanent move here. There are a lot of things we love about England but I do like the optimism of the US, the feeling that whatever you make of yourself is ‘good on you’.”

This is Styler who opined:

Each year I fly thousands of miles to campaign for environmental change. It would have been inconceivable to raise tens of millions of pounds for the Rainforest Foundation – which protects the forests and their indigenous people and of which I was a joint founder 21 years ago – on horseback.

Rainforests are not the only wood. You can all more of it, often shaped into interesting objects in her Tuscan mansion:

“We have travelled a lot in our 30 years together, and I love doing markets and picking up things that remind us of the places we’ve been. There’s quite a lot from India, such as the murals from Rajasthan, and pieces from Sicily.”

Marina Hyde reacts:

Rethinking their relationship with England? Why do I picture a wailing and snot-streaked England literally hanging on to Sting and Trudie’s legs, and screaming: “Wait! Don’t leave me! I can CHANGE!”, before altering tack and sending them 473 abusive text messages threatening to kill itself if they don’t relent and realise just how perfect we all are together.

But perhaps all is not lost. This may be just the denial stage talking, but I think it’s important to recognise that Sting and Trudie have not definitely stated they will abandon us. The interview is possibly a warning shot designed to shock the nation into contemplating the reality of losing one of its cultural crown jewels.

Even so, what has brought it all on? “The unkind treatment,” speculates the Times, “may be a reference to the damaging story a few years ago when the couple’s personal chef successfully sued for unfair dismissal after losing her job while pregnant.”

“It was very wounding,” explains Trudie. “I wasn’t even asked to speak up for myself. It was trial by Daily Mail.”

Technically, it was trial by Southampton employment tribunal (case unanimously upheld, with Ms Styler’s “shameful conduct” toward her servants cited in a blistering judgment) – but go on.

“Rockstars’ wives have never been given an easy time,” observes Trudie. “They weren’t nice about Linda McCartney till she died.”

And Rod Liddle:

Oh no — what shall we all do? The brilliant Trudie Styler has just announced that she intends to leave Britain — and worse, much worse, will be taking her likeable husband, Sting, with her. They are both sick to the back teeth of the press being beastly about them, apparently.

That’s the rotten thing about Britain — we love to stick the boot in. And so instead of applauding the conscientious couple for trying, single-handedly, to save the Amazon rainforest, we snigger about Trudie zipping about the West Country in a helicopter or ordering her personal chef to travel 85 miles to cook her a bowl of soup. What people don’t realise is that it was organic soup from locally sourced ingredients — but that never gets reported.

And then there’s the tantric sex; selflessly, Trudie shared those details with us so that we, too, might have happier lives. Believe me, the departure of these two will leave a giant hole in the fabric of this country, a very large one, perhaps caused by illegal Brazilian loggers or something.

World ends.



Posted: 22nd, October 2013 | In: Celebrities Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink