Platini Wants To Replace Yellow Cards With Sin Bins
REMEMBER when Michel Platini was nothing more than a wonderful, wonderful footballer? Those were great times. Platini would grace matches and do wonderful things and then he’d disappear until the next match.
Then, he became the president of UEFA and everything went wrong. Instead of stroking a football around and making grown adults weep with joy with 5 yard passes, Platini now talks a lot and doesn’t seem to ever want to fine teams for being racist in favour of crackpot ideas about… well… EVERYTHING.
Michel’s latest notion is that he wants yellow cards to be replaced by a rugby-style system of sin bins.
He also said he’s like to see the winner of national cup competitions to be rewarded with a place in the Champions League too, if it wasn’t already mystifyingly large.
“I would change the system of cautions,” Platini told Spanish newspaper AS. “I would do it like in rugby, where the perpetrator would be punished by being off the pitch for 10 or 15 minutes of the game.”
“That means the team they are facing would benefit in the same match and it would be instead of a ban for accumulation of cards against another side later in the season. It is an idea which needs now to be developed and to see if it is something that would be good for the game.”
Okay, Platini’s idea isn’t wholly mental, but the thing here is that, of all the huge problems facing football, this isn’t one of them. Walk up to any football fan in the street and ask them what they’d change about the game and you can bet your house they wouldn’t say “well, yellow cards have always annoyed me.”
Naturally, mad bastard FIFA president Sepp Blatter poured cold water on Platini’s idea: “I cannot see why we should change something in match control when we have already established all the regulations.” Basically, Blatter is saying “Oh, I can’t arsed sorting all that out.”
Platini also wants to look after goalkeepers and thinks that when a keeper concedes a penalty – a spot-kick, the sending off of the keeper, and a subsequent suspension – are too harsh.
“It is too excessive,” he said. “The penalty is enough. I think it is something that all in FIFA and UEFA agree but there are one or two countries that are in the International Board that don’t want to change it.”
However, Platini thinks he’s great: “I have worked to improve the game by asking for three changes: the pass-back rule, the red card for the last defender, and the introduction of goal-line officials … ” he said. “I think I have done plenty to improve the game with these rule changes.”
If UEFA would like to start severely punishing clubs with racist fans and start creating a culture where gay footballers can come out, that would be wonderful. That said, if it all seems like a bit too much work, maybe Platini can start trying to change the rules about players wearing long-sleeve jerseys under short sleeved kits because that is clearly stupid and players should stop doing it.