How To… Party In Public At Christmas
CHRISTMAS is pretty much here and you’ll no doubt be going out and getting drunk and dancing and all that fun stuff. However, hate to break it to you, but you’re a nightmare.
You need teaching how to interact with the world when you’re partying through the Yule. So, with that, here’s some helpful tips that will ensure you’re not absolutely loathed by all of humankind through the festive party season.
Chances are, you’ve been complaining about Christmas music on Facebook and Twitter solidly since mid-November. Suddenly, drunk, you get the urge to listen to a classic Christmas pop hit in a pub or bar. There might be a DJ on. You’re hammered at it is only 8pm so the DJs barely got their headphones on. Don’t bellow ‘PLAY SLADE!’ at them because, you terrific berk, they’ll be keeping that in the box ’til around midnight, when everyone is nicely drunk and game for something daft. It is a peak-time song. You peaked too early. Whatever you do, don’t get your iPhone out and offer to play it from that, especially if the only soundtrack is the pub jukebox. This makes you a dreadful arse doing no-one a favour.
Don’t Start Drinking At Lunch
Feel free to start drinking whenever you like – just remember though; if you’re still staggering around at 10pm, everyone is likely to hate you while you yell at them about that novelty Christmas jumper you’ve got on. Everyone noticed it. You’re probably usually a nice person, however, you’re now shrieking at people who are on their first drink and telling them about how the High Street is a nightmare. And we all know it was you who was sick in the sink. WE ALL KNOW.
Works Do In A Public Bar
So, the work’s do finished and half of you decided to keep your night going? Great. Some of the most fun nights are when those still standing go for more. However, keep in mind that you don’t own wherever lets you in. The bouncers have been kind enough to give you the benefit of the doubt, so don’t start telling the DJ the music is shit, don’t start giving off to the barstaff if they’ve decided you’ve had enough and don’t start singing football songs on the dancefloor while people are having a dance.
Know What You Want To Drink
Christmas bars are always heaving, so you’d be a damn fool to waddle up to the bar, having no idea what you and your round want. Order the Guinness first. Get your order in fast. Don’t dawdle and ponder. Everyone wants a booze and you’re stood there, slackjawed and making everyone want to kill you. If Phil doesn’t know what he wants to drink, decide for him and make him like it.
If you start taking money from people at the back of the bar’s throng while in the middle of a large round already, then frankly, you should have your Christmas and New Year taken off you. If you order some Jagerbombs and they don’t have it, tough. Don’t whine. You should have a plan B.
Getting Served When You’re Getting Served
Listen. Sometimes, when a bar is busy at Christmas, the good looking guy or gal gets served before you. That’s the way of the world. Deal with it. Sometimes, a regular will get served before you. You better not pout. You better not cry. That’s the way all pubs work, you dufus. Thing is, the staff have seen you. You’ll get served. You’ve only been stood there for 40 seconds anyway, it is just that your drunk legs are trying to convince you that you’ve been stood there a week.
Time Please Folks
When pubs and bars call time, just be resigned to it. It’s a legal requirement for them to stop serving and playing music at a designated time. You can’t sell more beer. Chanting “ONE MORE TUNE! ONE MORE TUNE!” doesn’t make any difference. Get up, say bye to the nice people who got you drunk and waltz away into the night and get yourself some chips or try your luck somewhere that’s open for another couple of hours. There’s no point trying to argue with legal requirements and people who have been soberly working all night who will be there another 3 hours cleaning up puke and blocked sinks, who just want to get home to bed.
It is the season of goodwill. At least postpone fights until January 2nd.