How To Cook Nigella’s Goose: The Grillo Sisters’ Recipe For Revenge (Cold Cuts)
WANT to know about the “REAL” Nigella Lawson? The Grillo sisters are here to stick the knife into Nigella’s voluptuous moist goose.*
RYAN PARRY, EMMA FOSTER and JAMES BEAL (three journalists in capital letters) tells us that “DOMESTIC Goddess Nigella Lawson took a string of shortcuts at Christmas — despite her image as the perfect festive hostess.”
The Grillo sisters – and what about that name for an Italian lean, mean grilling machine, readers? – are “ex-servants Francesca Grillo and sister Elisabetta”.
Servants? Surely, super-indulged helpers aka “kitchen confidantes” on salaries of £25,000 and £28,000 per annum, plus housing and an alleged £685,000 in asserted extras. Paul Burrell, eat yer heart out.
Elisabetta’s brief told the court Nigella authorised their spending “in return for the tacit understanding that it would remain behind closed doors as to how she was incurring a substantial amount of personal expenditure on drug use..It was not her expenditure that was the concern it was what she was spending it on. The tacit understanding was that they would not shop her to her husband or the authorities.”
Nigella’s brief claimed that was balls. But the judge found the sisters not guilty of fraud. They are innocent of all any any illegality.
So. Now the Grillo Girls are her to flay the TV chef, to delve deep into her inner workings and give her a sound stuffing.
Francesca said: “Christmas wasn’t as perfect as on her cooking show. I never saw her make a mince pie or Yule log at home. She might have made a pudding once.”
They never saw her take drugs either, allegedly, but this news of her not making a single Yule Log at home is damning. We gobble it up greedily, the juice oozing down our lips before we swallow. Hard.
We then get:
Francesca and sister Elisabetta, cleared of swindling Nigella and ex-hubby Charles Saatchi, 70, last week, told how the mega-rich cook liked to put her feet up and let her minions take the strain at Christmas.
Add Grillo Minions to the Grillo Grill. Et voila! A cookbook is gathering weight.
Take one full, fruity and minted TV chef
Baste the breasts and thighs in unproven allegations
Dust in a gossamer spray of cocaine
Lay out on a shag pile rug before a marijuana fire and smoke before, after and during stuffing
Fetch hatchet; scrape barrel:
Francesca, 35, said: “We’d have a tree delivered then Nigella got a team to decorate it rather than do it with the kids. The tree was very simple — just lights usually and only one colour. She had this weird black fairy to go on top. She was very particular that we use that. It was very strange.
A black fairy, eh? Fairies are white. We all know that to be true. Except for nutty Nige. Francesca adds: “One year she made cookies that were hung on the tree with ribbons. They were put in a drawer and used year after year. She never made fresh ones. Caterers sometimes came in to do the cooking, then in the last few years the family ate out. From 2009 they went to her husband’s gallery on Christmas Day. They’d rent the entire restaurant and have people cooking and serving the food.”
The sisters then get in a plug:
The Grillos also told how normally-glam Nigella walked around the house in tracksuits from fashion chain Sweaty Betty, plus leggings and baggy T-shirts.
(Send free samples to the girls via the Sun.)
Elisabetta added: “She wasn’t always this glamorous goddess. At 5pm she’d strip off and just wear a dressing gown — not a sexy, silky one like on her TV shows — it was an old granny gown.”
What brand? We’re not told. And we are left gasping for more…
* Apology: Your writer has seen far too much of Nigella on the amgic box and may have become unduly seduced.