Checking The Daily Mail For Lies, Half-Truths And Propaganda Balls
Mic Wright’s Checking The Mail
I’M not saying the Daily Mail is written by liars and hypocrites, I’m just saying that if you had a visual dictionary of the British Media the face staring out from the definition of Arsehole would be Paul Dacre. Dacre who crows on constantly about family values is a sweary bully whose morning meetings have been called The Vagina Monologues thanks to the number of c-words that fly out of his expensively dentured mouth. This column exists to check the lies, half-truths and propaganda balls spouted by The Daily Mail but will happily turn its attention to other repeat offenders too including The Sun, The Mirror, The Daily Express, The Guardian, The Independent and my old home, The Daily Telegraph.
This week’s issue: immigration and the Mail’s mendacious suggestion that we will be deluged with Hungarians, Romanians, Romulans, Sontarans, Daleks and all manner of foreign aliens intend to on ruining our beautiful culture of ‘polite’ hatred and teeth-gnashing envy. It was The Daily Mail that claimed flights from Romania to the United Kingdom were sold out as benefit tourists jumped on board to head here and get themselves new teeth, fake boobs and the kind of shiny forehead that our dear leader David Cameron has made so goddamn fashionable. The reality? Flights are no busier than before Romanians were given the right to head over to the UK to seek work. The thing that The Daily Mail doesn’t mention very much: Britains also have the right to work anywhere in the European Union and avail themselves of it in huge numbers. And then there’s the “ex-pats” who delight in consuming the Mail’s stories of Britain gone to rack and ruin while sitting in Costa Del Conspicuously Hypocritical.
Immigrants are a net economic positive for the United Kingdom and have been heading over here since the Normans decided to start firing arrows at Harold without any concern for Saxon health and safety laws. My home county of Norfolk played host to hundreds of Flemish weavers fleeing persecution following the Norman Conquest and thoroughout our history we have been a nation that absorbs new cultures and brings them into our creed of queuing, tea drinking and rampant complaining about the latest lot of “weird” immigrants to make it off the boat and into our corner shops, taxis, service jobs and factories.
The Daily Mail will NEVER say things are getting better. The merest mention of D:Ream’s New Labour anthem makes them come out in hives. They’re more allergic to the idea of progresss than they are to the thought of THE GAYS getting married or black people taking decent roles in their favourite TV shows. The Daily Mail craves Downton Britain, where the poor stay under stairs and smile at their betters and economic power matters above all else. It is still livid about the 60s and tracks all the horrors of the modern-era back to the fact that women were allowed to have sex when they liked with who they liked and people started to enjoy drugs, rock’n'roll and films that weren’t so boring you needed easily-available amphetamines to stay awake. The Daily Mail is such a successful editorial product because it spikes straight into the vein of our lowest prejudices. It wants us to gorge on our hate, our envy and our sadness.
If it’s not focusing on immigration and the hated brown people, the Mail is obsessing over women’s bodies with the sick focus of a municipal park masturbator. Women, girls and “sexy toddlers” only wear clothes in MailWorld in order to titillate men or send complex messages about their psyche and relationship status. And when they wear clothes considered unseemly by the sweaty-handed horndogs running the Mail’s editorial meetings, they are defined as asking for it. Rapists aren’t truly to blame for rape, say the Mail. Instead it’s all those goddamn sluts with their vaginas and breasts and come hither looks. Worst of all, The Mail hires and promotes women whose entire raison d’etre is to hate other women. Their ranks swell daily. Samantha Brick and Liz Jones are the champions but lower-league hatred spewers such as Sarah Vine help out plenty. See today’s paper where Vine castigates women for getting drunk and wearing the wrong things, practically begging to be raped. And joining Vine’s bile there’s the usual Mail spread of “drunken revellers” out in Britain’s cities and “spoiling” New Year. They’re not. Getting pissed is ALL New Year’s really good for. And isn’t it funny how rich boys drinking clubs like the infamous Bullingdon Club are given a pass as hijinks while poor people should be locked up? Actually, no, it’s not funny. The Mail is just bloody sinister.
More next week. Happy New Year Mail watchers.