Revealed: Manchester United’s Chris Smalling Is A Jihadi Pretending To Be A Footballer
MANCHESTER United defender Chris Smalling might be a jihadi. Last night, Smalling and his girlfriend hosted a private fancy dress party to celebrate Christmas and their respective birthdays. Smalling came as ‘The Jagerbomber’. He was the jihadi with Red Bull and Jagermeister cans and bottles strapped to his vestments.
Can it be that in the privacy of his own home, Smalling relaxes in his more usual attire as an Islamist hellbent on the destruction of the West? Is he plotting to bomb Old Trafford, owned by those infidel Jews in partnership with their traditional bedfellow, the Red Devil?
Is ‘Chris’ Smalling only pretending to be a footballer? Is Phil Jones his assigned police observer? Christ! Is Wayne Rooney the only genuine footballer, the others all serving officers commanded by Chief inspector Moyes to suppress terror?
Says one United fan: “As a footballer he makes a very convincing jihadi.”
Smalling responds to the outing of his true identity by saying it was an “ill-thought out and insensitive decision”.
A likely story, but one he’s sticking to as he plays dress-up in shorts and branded United tops whenever the public are looking…