A Field Guide to 1970s Men’s Sweaters

WITH so many “important things” going on the world, why spend time looking at forty year old sweaters?  Simply put, the brain needs a break from the barrage of jarring images of a world on the brink.  A tour of 70s men’s sweaters is exactly what the doctor ordered.

So, sit back, relax and enjoy a cornucopia of magnificent vintage sweaters.  And you’re welcome.

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Left: I’m not a fashion connoisseur, but I do have a general rule of thumb:  Avoid sweater vests with built in belts.

Center:  Add a cape and it’s almost superhero-like.  Don’t for a minute think that superheroes are somehow above sweaters when they have no problem prancing around in Spandex unitards.

Right: Looks like he just stole Janis Joplin’s belongings.  Poor sap. Her sweaty clothes are probably so saturated with drugs, he’ll be dead soon.

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What sort of man sees an orange and brown form-fitting sweater-vest on the rack and says, “I’ll take one of these”?  My mind struggles to understand, but grasps fruitlessly in the dark.  The 70s male is an enigma.

 

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The fellow on the left seems so eager and full of optimism.  Ready to take on the world.  If only he could realize his sweater is three sizes two small….. I don’t have the heart to tell him.

 

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The girl and dude on the right are obviously a couple – the matching sweater vests are a dead giveaway.  Yet, she’s getting mighty friendly with the mysterious stranger on the left.  I detect problems ahead.

 

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Look out, ladies, the studs have arrived.  Men – keep your wives indoors, shut the shades and turn out the lights.  Fathers – stand watch over your daughters; there will be time for sleep later.  These ladykillers are not to be trifled with.

 

We interrupt this field guide for a brief commercial break from Drummond sweaters….

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Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

 

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I think it’s pretty clear which one this lady prefers.  She’s really digging the leather pants with sweater + sweater tank top(?).  The poor chap in plaid slacks may as well be invisible.

 

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Helloooo, ladies.  Are you made of apples, ‘cause you look sweet as pie….”

“Hey, baby.  Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night…. ”

A word to the wise: Just ignore him and don’t make eye contact.

 

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In order to have this photograph taken, the men had to undergo a complicated medical procedure whereby all their testosterone was removed.  It was simply the only way to get them in these sweaters.

 

I’ll end on a high note.  If anyone asks you who was the coolest individual who has ever lived, I want you to point them to this picture.  One look  and there can be no argument.  Behold….

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