5 Outrageous and Unexpected Moments of Sexual Innuendo on TV
THERE HAS BEEN plenty of blatant sex on the television in decades past. Shows such as Benny Hill and Three’s Company weren’t afraid to show the playful side, while soap operas and gritty crime dramas took a more serious bent. But naughtiness belonged in those places; it didn’t need to be masked. In this article I’m talking about when they unexpectedly lay it between the lines in the most outrageous manner possible. The kind that leaves you asking, “Wait – what just happened?”
However, we must to be careful, or else we’re seeing phallic references around every corner…
As much as I’d like to believe there is some hidden sexual meaning in this Wonder Woman episode, more than likely she is just disarming a bomb and nothing more. Just as Freud said, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”, sometimes a shaft with pulsating tip is just a shaft with pulsating tip…. that a beautiful woman must stroke and yank.
With our top five, there can be no room for doubt…
5. CAPTAIN KIRK’S PHALLIC CAVE ROCK
This is from the Star Trek episode still is from the episode “What Are Little Girls Made Of?” (1966)
Kirk is pursued by Ted Cassidy in the caves of planet EXO-III. Ever the resourceful Starfleet captain, he breaks away an obviously Styrofoam stalactite. As luck would have it, the broken cave rock looks remarkably like a giant stone sex organ.
Normally, I’m open to the possibility of coincidence. However, this stalactite bears a more than passing resemblance to the male genitalia. Methinks there was an inside joke on the Star Trek set that they hoped audiences wouldn’t pick up on.
4. LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY LIKE IT ROUGH
In the episode “Laverne & Shirley Meet Fabian” (1977) the girls pretend to be maids to have access to Fabian’s hotel room. In a moment of typical sitcom hilarity, they manage to get themselves locked out on the window ledge. What follows can only be described as unexpected hardcore eroticism.
I’m willing to let a certain degree of implied lesbian shenanigans slide in the name of cheeky slapstick. God knows, it happened frequently on the show (recall the episode where the girls think they’re going to die in a plane crash, so Shirley grabs Laverne and plants a passionate kiss full on the mouth). However, this one pushes that envelope to the point where there can no longer be any doubt: Laverne and Shirley are lovers, and they like it rough.
Nothing wrong with that. Just so we’re clear.
3. JULIE NEWMAR POLISHES THE STACK
In the Bewitched episode “The Eight Year Itch Witch” (1971) the always hateful Endora summons Ophelia (Julie Newmar) to tempt Darrin. Ophelia has a habit of turning into a cat now and then. Coincidentally, Darrin and Larry are seeking out a spokeswoman for Tomcat Tractors. Graphic depictions of oral sex ensue…
As Ophelia models for the Tomcat advert, she caresses and manhandles the tractor exhaust pipe in such a way that defies description. Suffice it to say, the tractor was pleased.
2. MARY ANN LICKS GILLIGAN’S SAP
In the Gilligan’s Island episode titled “Goodbye Island” (1964), Gilligan taps a tree to extract sugar to sweeten Mary Ann’s pancakes (even that sentence sounds naughty). What follows is one of the best depictions of oral sex ever produced.
You cannot convince me the cast and crew didn’t see the wildly sexual overtones in having Mary Ann stroke and suck this tree. Considering the expert manner with which the task was performed, there can be no doubt. I’d say everyone on set went home that day a little bit frisky.
1. PETER’S VOLCANO ERUPTS OVER YOUNG GIRLS
I joined the science club at school, and I’m building a volcano. When I’m finished, I can make it erupt. And when it erupts, smoke’s going to come out, and real molten lava’s going to ooze all over the place.
– Peter Brady
When it comes to TV episodes with an underlying sexual connotation, there’s nothing more Freudian than The Brady Bunch episode “Today I am a Freshman” (1972). It’s the one where Peter’s “volcano” spews a load all over a gaggle of girls in short skirts.
Peter Brady wants to test out his science project. He beckons the Booster Club girls (who are having a meeting on the back patio) to come over and watch. Despite their reservations, the club is quick to gather round
Even if the episode stopped here, it would still rank among the top examples of television sexual innuendo. The way the young girls are so afraid and simultaneously enamored by the mound of clay speaks volumes.
Peter connects the wires, igniting his volcano, and exclaims: “It works. It works! Now watch the lava ooze out!” And so, Peter’s volcano rains sludge all over The Booster Club.
The Brady Bunch was no stranger to double entendres (see Brady Bunch, Season 5, Episode 7: “Marcia Gets Creamed”); however, this one is a high water mark – not only for the show, but for all time.
And now for your moment of Zen…