Justin Bieber Proves He’s A Real Person With More than One Orifice
JUSTIN Bieber arrested in Florida for drunk driving. This is, of course, cracking news for the 98% of people who follow his career waiting for him to crash and burn.
Bieber spent his formative showbiz years being moulded into a plasticised goody-goody, a flawless perma-child, god-touched, singing-foetus, sexless non-teen teen. He was the teenager like no other.
Bieber had no strops. Bieber had no spots. Beiber had no sexual urges. Bieber was a bigger ambulatory Ken dollette with only one orifice. And then he realised he had stacks of money and started to behave normally.
Thank god. The old Bieber was terrifying. This new one’s just a pillock. He was driving a rented Lamborghini. Oh, dear-oh-dear.
The Miami Beach Police Department said the 19-year-old Canadian had been racing on the beach early on Thursday. This comes on top of the new that Bieber caused $21,000* of damage when he threw eggs at a neighbour’s home.
Egg tossing. Bad driving. What next for Bieber, for whom life stopped at 13 when he hit the big time? Yep. Zits. And- gulp! – a hair of his chest. When his handlers find that you’ll hear the scream in space…
* Houses in the Hollywood Hills are mink-coated.
PS: On twitter, the police @-ed Bieber to confirm his arrest: