Anti-news: Clooney Won’t Be Joining Twitter
APART from sex scandals and tapping people’s phones, there’s little more the newspapers like doing than reporting on non-news. Now, that’s not to say they write about things that some might find uninteresting, but rather, stories about things that the stars won’t be doing.
So what’s the latest?
Well, there’s a story floating around about George Clooney who says he won’t be joining Twitter. Get that? He may also not shit a new leg out of his hole. He may also not insult a widow at her husband’s funeral. We may see wide reporting on how George Clooney won’t be having a cup of his own faeces.
However, this is Twitter, the media soup-of-the-day (see also: stories on ‘selfies’) and we must complete the story of why a man won’t be doing something.
Clooney said him and his pals won’t be joining the social networking platform:
“Just because, I like to have a drink at night, I could easily say something stupid, and I also don’t think you need to be that available. I don’t see Matt [Damon] or Brad [Pitt] or myself wanting to get our thoughts out in a 140-character-thing at 3 in the morning.”
Of course, another thing George Clooney could not do is tweet at 3am, if he had a Twitter account. If he’s got the resolve to avoid signing up to a website, he’s surely got the resolve to put his phone down late at night, as he’s done for so many years thus far.
“God forbid, you take a sleeping pill and wake up and the sentences don’t even make sense. What a horrible idea.”
And there, because we focused on the fashionable reporting of a social network, we missed our chance to run a spurious, scandalised headline – “GEORGE CLOONEY HEAVILY DEPENDANT ON SLEEPING PILLS. A source says ‘this is worrying'”.