UAE Damns Anyone Caught Driving A Rover On Mars
ANYONE heading on a one-way trip to Mars will be sent to Hell.
The fatwa committee under the General Authority of Islamic Affairs and Endowment in the UAE has decreed:
“Such a one-way journey poses a real risk to life, and that can never be justified in Islam. There is a possibility that an individual who travels to planet Mars may not be able to remain alive there, and is more vulnerable to death. Whoever opts for this hazardous trip is likely to perish for no righteous reason and thus will be liable to a punishment similar to that of suicide in the Hereafter.
“Protecting life against all possible dangers and keeping it safe is an issue agreed upon by all religions and is clearly stipulated in verse 4/29 of the Holy Quran: Do not kill yourselves or one another. Indeed, Allah is to you ever Merciful.”
Other dangerous things to be outlawed on pain of death and/or eternal damnation:
* Eating a McDonald’s apple pie within 25 minutes of delivery
* Being a 1970s Disc Jockey
* Mixing your drinks
Right now the Mars Rover is checking the planet for signs of life.
It being a Rover, of course, the vehicle is being operated by a late middle-aged man sporting burgundy leather driving gloves and tweed cap tapping his index fingers on the wheel to The Very Best Of ‘Diddy’ David Hamilton.
The Nasa mission rests on Colin’s Rover being able to impress Martian life with its go-ahead luxury of walnut, self-levelling suspension and roomy glove compartment.
If this mission fails, then its onwards and upwards with the Mars Lamborghini, a nippier version that should appeal to the playboys of the UAE wastes and their Martian peers.