Lydia The Flying Great White Shark Puts Cornwall On Summer Alert
THE DAILY Star has chilling news: Lydia is coming to the UK. Lock up your flippers and stick a plug in the sink.
The tabloids work in cycles.
The first signs of the impending summer are, in order:
a) Great White Shark Spotted off Coast
b) Madeleine McCann spotted on land
c) Lucy from Brighton spotted on beach
d) Killer heatwave spotted in space
News is that Lydia was tagged by scientists. She’s an Asbo shark. And she’s been recorded swimming in the mid Atlantic. Or as the Indy has it, flying:
The Express & Echo, says:
Tracker shows Great White shark heading for the South West coast
How long do we have before Lydia invades? Does Richard Branson have time to sponsor her? The Mirror starts a countdown:
Huge Great White ‘Lydia’ is ‘three days’ away from Cornish coast after being tracked in year-long research project
Only, it’s all balls. The BBC reports:
Dr Gregory Skomal, senior fisheries biologist with Massachusetts Marine Fisheries, told BBC News: “No white sharks have crossed from west to east or east to west.”
Lydia is now roughly 1,600km (1,000 miles) from the coasts of County Cork in Ireland and Cornwall in Britain, and nearly 4,800km (3,000 miles) from Jacksonville, Florida, where she was tagged by scientists in March 2013.
So. Lydia is not on her way to the UK. She won’t be here in three days.
Dr Skomal explained: “Although Lydia is closer to Europe than North America, she technically does not cross the Atlantic until she crosses the mid-Atlantic ridge, which she has yet to do. She would be the first documented white shark to cross into the eastern Atlantic.”
Next week: Bikini Babes Fear Shark Attack…