Fancy A Shag? Then Chase The Bird With The Fat Arse
NICE, eh. The conclusion from the latest piece of research into human sexuality says that men looking for sex should chase women with big bums. That’s not quite how they actually describe the results of their research, this is true, but it is indeed what they mean.
What they’ve done is go and question women about their sexual behaviour. They’ve also measure the width of their hips (this is the bone measurement, not the muscle and fat over it). And they’ve found that women with wider hips are more likely to have a one night stand (ie, a quick shag with someone met in the pub) than women with narrower hips. Thus, obviously, if you’re looking for that quick shag then chase the birds with the fatter bum.
Where they might be wrong though is in their explanation:
The researchers, led by Professor Colin Hendrie, suggest that women with wider hips have more sexual partners because the birth process is generally easier and less traumatic for them than for smaller-hipped women (below 31cm).
He said: ‘Women’s hip width has a direct impact on their risk of potentially fatal childbirth-related injury. It seems that when women have control over their own sexual activity this risk is reflected in their behaviour.
‘Women’s sexual activity is therefore at least in part influenced by hip width.’
That’s a fun theory but it does require that women have some great knowledge of the risks of childbirth and also of the size of their own hip bones: as above, this isn’t the same as their actual hip size.
Other, rather more believable, theories can be used. For example, our society is obsessed with the idea that women are more attractive if they are thin. This means that women who are thin have greater choice about who they have sex with: and it’s a fairly standard part of the analysis of female sexuality that women are less likely than men to be looking for that quick shag. They’d prefer (not, not all all the time, but prefer) the beginning of a relationship to a sweaty fumble. And if thinness is what gives the ability to pick and choose among suitors then those rather broader of beam are going to find themselves offering the sex first in the possible hope that it will become the relationship.
Yes, I know, it all sounds rather sexist but then we are talking about sex. And there’s very good evidence that fat birds are dirtier in bed too, put out more often, for exactly these reasons.
I believe the numbers and results of this research but not the reasoning on offer as to why it happens.