Katie Price: Kieran Hayler On Horsing Around With Jane Pountney’s Hatchback
KATIE Price’s third husband, Kieran ‘Loud’ Hayler tells Sun readers that he had sex with his wife’s “best pal” in her stables.
In an instant the mind turns to an image of the skin-tight stripper stood on an pile of his wife’s autobiographies behind a horse. Indeed, Hayler adds:
“We had sex standing up. It was very quick — we just unzipped and did it.”
Red Rum would nod. It was ever the way with studs.
But it turns out that Hayler is not all that interesting. His mount was 49-year-old Jane Pountney, with whom he also “had sex in a pub car park”.
“In late September we arranged to meet for the first time in the car park of a country pub. I arrived in my Ford Focus after work and she arrived in her Ford Fiesta. I got in her car and we talked and kissed for about ten minutes… By the second meeting we were having oral sex. I was getting what I wanted and fed Jane what she wanted to hear.”
“Go on, girl,” he cajoles. “I can see the finish line. Attagirl.”
“From then on, the routine was usually the same. I would get into the passenger seat of Jane’s car, she would jump on top of me and we would have sex. I didn’t wear a condom because it added to the risk and my heart rate was always racing.”
“The sex usually lasted ten minutes and we didn’t take our clothes off, so I’ve never seen Jane’s boobs. Because it was winter I was coming straight from my plastering job filthy and wearing my long johns.”
“Jane’s appearance was becoming more based on Kate’s. She cloned into her and was always wearing tracksuit bottoms…”
Like Jimmy Savile…
But the stand out part of Hayler’s plaster ‘n’ tell story is not the crappy sex in cold places. It’s the part about he and Katie’s son Jett:
“The bond with Jett wasn’t there straight away. I wasn’t able to be at the birth with Kate and afterwards I was called into the room like someone on a deli counter.”
Three husbands. Four children by four different men. Take a ticket and wait for your fish balls and cucumbers, sunshine.
“I love him more than life itself now but we weren’t able to have that baby together. I really hope this next one is going to be right.”
And we realise that Hayler should have kept the light on in that nippy hatchback. He should also seek out seek out the video of Katie Price and a former flame in a sauna. And there are books, lot of books – some have birds, bees and even horses inside. And if you’re reading this, Hayler, and reading is not your bag, we’ll break the news to you: men cannot have babies. Something about ovaries, womb’s and breasts.
Steal yourself for more disappointment, mate.