Anorak | The Top 20 Unhelpful Celebrity Fans Of Premier League Teams 2014

The Top 20 Unhelpful Celebrity Fans Of Premier League Teams 2014

by | 10th, August 2014

Top Twenty Unhelpful Celebrity Fans

With the Premier League season fast approaching, what better time to look at the twenty clubs and consider, not their new signings or their likely achievements, but their famous fans?

Rather than reel off the names that make them puff out their chests with pride, let’s look at the ones that do not command universal respect and affection. The ones who, frankly, do not help their cause at all…





The Gunners’ biggest celebrity Arse has few serious competitors. Step forward, Piers Morgan, seen here cosying up to Arsenal’s… er… Wayne Rooney


Aston Villa




Stiff competition from David Cameron, but Nige still ‘monster’ roolz.





Their only celebrity fan, the master of the dark arts himself: Alastair Campbell, seen here turning on the charm in a charity match.





An almost endless list for this one, but George Osborne and David Mellor are pipped for the top spot by the appalling former Watford fan Tim Lovejoy.


Crystal Palace




Nookie Bear (originally known as ‘Bollocks the Bear’) has worn his Palace rosette with pride for many decades, and even posed with naked women in a porn magazine. His antics have brought precious little pride to the club however.




Mary Whitehouse was an Evertonian apparently, but our vote goes to Sir Paul McCartney, who set out as a blue but then unforgivably started to support Liverpool as well, once the Reds became successful. The picture shows Macca at Wembley for the 1968 FA Cup Final, which the Toffees lost.


Hull City




Roy North was OK as Basil Brush’s sidekick, but ‘Get It Together’ was a bridge too far.


Leicester City

Gary Newbon was in the same year as John Motson at their boarding school, which was a bad start. Here he tries – and fails – to get the better of the great Jimmy Greaves. All other clips of Newbon consist of people phoning in to swear at him.






Whether he was actually a fan or not, we don’t know. But it doesn’t look good.


Manchester City




We love Bernard Manning, but he didn’t always bring credit to the City.



Manchester United




It took a lot to beat Olly Murs, but Craig Meehan achieved it by wearing his United top while being arrested during the Shannon Matthews affair. He was subsequently convicted of possessing indecent images of children.


Newcastle United



Easy one, this. Tony Blair. Even if the Jackie Milburn story is apocryphal, he is a fibbing weasel and a disgrace to football.


Queens Park Rangers


Tony Incenzo has been a football reporter for decades, and an obsessional QPR fan for even longer. But he never makes it seem very attractive.






Craig David, for getting the hump about his Bo Selecta puppet.



Stoke City



Dominic Cork. Replaced Ronnie Irani on talkSPORT’s breakfast show and is almost as irritating. Almost.






John Samuel Humble (better known as ‘Wearside Jack’) whose hoax messages hampered investigations into the Yorkshire Ripper murders, allowing Peter Sutcliffe to claim more victims.


Swansea City




No real villains in the Jack army, so we’ll go for Michael Sheen, on the grounds that he played Tony Blair in three different films.


Tottenham Hotspur


Soccer - Barclays Premier League - Tottenham Hotspur v West Ham United - White Hart Lane


Horrendous squealing comedian Michael McIntyre takes some beating, even at Spurs. Here he is with his pal James Corden, of whom more later.


West Bromwich Albion




Who else but the relentless Adrian Chiles?


West Ham United

Absolutely no doubt about this one: James Corden, second only to Tim Lovejoy as the personification of all that is wrong with the modern sanitised football fan. Here he is. Looking smug with ‘Big’ Sam.




And finally…

Rising like a fetid cloud above the lot, we have Rolf Harris with his hymn to not just one team, but football in general, leaving fans of ALL clubs feeling dirty.

Posted: 10th, August 2014 | In: Key Posts, Sports Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink