The Blessed Hamstring: Manchester United’s Phil Jones gets spiritual to cure what ails him
INJURY-PRONE players are unfortunate. It isn’t their fault that their bodies betray them and stop them from doing their high-performance job. If a Formula One car has a misfiring engine, everyone understands because the car is in perfect balance to go really fast. When a football hurts his toe in the super-masculine world of professional football, he’s expected to shrug it off or be labelled a weakling.
Everyone remembers the various jokes about the winger of yore, Darren Anderton, who would be out for a fortnight with a broken eyelash and the like.
These days, we’ve got Manchester United’s Phil Jones.
He’s made only 5 appearances since Louis van Gaal took over at Old Trafford and, in his three seasons at Manchester United, he’s suffered 12 separate injuries, including the almost quaint complaint of shin splints.
Jones says: “I could stand here and list 10 players who are always out injured. That is just the nature of football. People don’t wake up one morning and say: ‘I fancy being injured today.’
So now, he’s focusing on getting fit and staying fit. What’s he doing about it? He’s gone toward something a little more spiritual: “It is strength work on the reformer, yoga and pilates and loads of stuff. I will do anything I can to improve myself and hopefully that will stand me in good stead for the rest of the season. Hopefully I can stay fit, look after myself in games and make sure I stay fit.”
While most people hit the gym and lift, bro Jones is going to stretch his legs, work on his core and get all that negative chi out of his legs like he’s football’s most famous Buddhist, Roberto Baggio.
And while Baggio was dubbed Il Divin Codino (translates as ‘The Divine Ponytail’), our Phil can now call himself The Blessed Hamstring, as he finds inner peace on his yoga mat, letting the troubles of Premier League football melt away to his wind-chimes tape, reinforcing the Manchester United team with his powerful chakras.
Now Manchester United have a guru in the ranks, can they win the title against all odds, thanks to Swami Jones?