Chelsea: Football via paranoid schizophrenia
AS everyone knows, Chelsea FC are hilarious. If it wasn’t for Newcastle United, they’d be the funniest football team in the Premier League. Their owner is batshit mental, they hire crazy managers and half of their players are lunatics. And who can forget John Terry putting a full kit on and lifting a trophy in a match he didn’t play in?
They’re absolutely insane.
And now, Jose Mourinho is talking like Colonel Kurtz from Apocalypse Now!, thinking that everyone is out to get them, thanks to a secret campaign against the club. Obviously, everyone in football meets up in a secret volcano lair once a month to discuss who the campaign against Chelsea will play out.
Unfathomably, the BBC are in on it too, asking “Is Jose right?”, wondering if there is indeed “a campaign against Chelsea”. Of course, the answer is ‘don’t be so bloody stupid’.
It goes without saying that Mourinho loves this aspect of footballing life. He’s an expert at courting the media, making thinly veiled threats and sticking his bottom lip out. He’s an absolute joy to have among a number of managers who have about as much charisma as a mop and bucket.
It is clear that any extra scrutiny that Chelsea get, is also received by Manchester United, Manchester City, Liverpool and Arsenal. With success comes further analysis. Everyone is watching everything you do because you’re at the top of your game. However, Mourinho rarely says something without an agenda.
With this statement, Mourinho is deflecting a couple of dives that have been spotted against them, and instead, putting pressure on referees. His comment has seen the dialogue move from play-acting from Gary Cahill, Diego Costa and Branislav Ivanovic to, ‘oh, isn’t Mourinho a crazy, funny guy? But clever too! What’s he up to?‘
The BBC get a nice bit of clickbait traffic in the bargain.
All in all, we have to applaud Mourinho, even if he does sound like a paranoid schizophrenic from time-to-time. It is a game that Alex Ferguson played extremely well and, if you don’t mind being the panto villain, you might have to start reinforcing your trophy cabinet.