Anorak | Who Replaces Andy Townsend at ITV Football: hooting simpletons, ‘better’ bores and other options

Who Replaces Andy Townsend at ITV Football: hooting simpletons, ‘better’ bores and other options

by | 9th, January 2015

RAPTUROUS cheers broke out across Britain yesterday as ITV confirmed that Andy Townsend’s contract won’t be renewed when it expires in the summer.

Andy has been in-and-around ITV Football for over a decade now, including his much maligned ‘Tactics Truck’. He’s best known for ending every single sentence with ‘Clive’, stating exactly what’s happened a full 3 seconds after viewers have watched the incident AND replay of the event.

Quite simply, it is mystifying how Townsend held a job for so long on television. Then again, ITV also gave Jim Beglin a wage. At all. ITV are, of course, batshit mental.

Also on his way out is the nice, but ultimately ineffectual presenter that is Matt Smith.

During ITV’s live football coverage, many football fans played a game of searching for Andy Townsend’s name, just to see if anyone at all had anything remotely positive to say about him. 99.99999999% of the time, it was people despairingly shouting at their screens, calling him thick or mocking one of his nonsensical catchphrases: If anything Clive, he’s hit that too well…’ in references to a shot that hit the goalkeeper in the chest.

So, with that, there’s a couple of jobs going at ITV Football. Knowing ITV, they’ll be looking at pinching someone from the BBC or weighing-up an ex-professional, when a journalist who doesn’t play golf with anyone in the game might be better. Still that shouldn’t stop us speculating.

Who should replace Andy Townsend? Let’s have a think who will be better, or indeed, tediously likely…


Eamon Dunphy

To those who know who Eamon Dunphy is, he’s a riot. To those that don’t, they’ll wonder why they’d not been shown him years ago. Dunphy is ranty, insightful, honest, sometimes looks like he’s had no sleep and a heavy night down the pub, funny and really cares about football. He’ll tell an idiot to shut up too exactly what’s needed at ITV.



Robbie Savage

The opposite of anything good, you just know that ITV are going to offer Robbie Savage some money to come to their arms. TV executives think people like Robbie Savage are ‘the everyman’, when the actually everyman can’t abide him. Watch the clip below, and you’ll see what makes Savage such an unappealing prospect shrieking repetition. Sure, he’s a self deprecating chap who is invariably nice enough off camera, on TV, he’s a hooting simpleton. We don’t

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Posted: 9th, January 2015 | In: Sports, TV & Radio Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink